Life's TRUE Journey

  It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina  I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment  to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure  of business,  taking care of an elderly  paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally  and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity  popped up for me to go and I did.  Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive  person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself.  I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings .  I looked out onto the greatness  of this land and the beauty  it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...

 Hey people. What's in the Tommy Times today? So the last couple weeks my BFF Jim has been in town ( He retired and moved to Illinois in july). Was rather upset with him because it was like he was here for so long and wanted to wait until the last days of his visit to actually visit with me. If anything  I have been learn is never put off what you can do today Till an unpromised  tomorrow.  Thought he would have learned that but no.  Guess i just took it way too personal. I mean if I were in town the first thing I'd do is visit the people who I care about the most.  Well we spent time together yesterday. Though hurt by it, I figured I wont be too huffy about it. We spent a little time talking about it but moved on to just being happy with conversation.   I love that man. He has been with me for 13+ years. Listening to all the crap I have to say and through life events. We understand one another like others dont. Ewww sounds too romantical. Lol. Pe...

  Well, my friends I need to do better about blogging. Journaling my life should happen at least every other day. I'm going to make an effort to do so.  I think I've been overthinking it. I read some of my old stuff and it was just me jotting down a few things and some random stuff. It was fun reading some of those. So I'm just going to be loose again . I don't need to write 100 paragraphs everytime. Also bringing  back the In other News section. Yay.  So quick what's happening. My church is opening back up slowly. Excited! I have been suffering  since it shut down due to the Coronapocalypse ( ®️ tommydimera.com ) . Yep I just drop a Tommyism on your candy asses. ❤ I have been down lately. this isolation from the world due to Coronapocalypse  has taught me how much I'm not an introvert  no matter how much I thought I was. I cant seem to find a lover / husband in this shit of a world so I guess I relied on other people to fill that void.  Well I go...

 I have many questions to which I do not have answers.   What am I doing here is a big one. To be quite honest I do not want to be here. This is an entry about a boy that I love, have loved , and am cursed to forever love.  This boy has been the love of my life. More than my husband i sometimes fictionalize to be more of a connection for me than is reality. More than my ex fiance  who was able to distract me momentarily  from my love for this boy. More so than any lover I've ever had in my life.  It's always come back to him. And I sit so often thinking if him. About 4 years ago I removed him from my life as much as I could. Took him fro. My social media pages, removed his number from my phone. But my soul and heart know I can not erase him. The memories of hours long conversations  when i hate talking on the phone. But with him i did it with joy. The references and conversations that only him and I get. The closeness  . The bond of our heart...

 You know that episode  of Buffy. Anya's  debuted. When Giles  get her amulet and about to destroy it. Then she says "you fool what makes you think the other universe  Is better than this one?" Then he says " it has to be" then smashed the amulet  bringing  them to the other realitythis reality is not what it's supposed to be.  I use abstract  things to explain how I feel because honestly  a word has not been invented for how I feel. I do not like living in this reality. People being killed as if they do not matter, kids and families  being put in cages and separated as if they dont matter, women the beautiful bringers of the future generations being dogged out and treated as they dont matter. What is this reality? What have we become?  Can the good in this reality overcome  the evil? I've always been enthusiastic  in saying yes. But as you grow older and you keep fighting the same battles and your armor is weak, you ...

So as I rediscovered this blog I of course had to look back at some of the posts that I've made in the past. I think that I am rather hard on myself. I'm speaking of me looking back at myself those years ago. What I wrote and how I wrote it. I Add what I fail to realize is I was a kid. I'm sitting here being disgusted by some of the things that I wrote but I have to remind myself that I was just a kid. We all have to grow we all have to mature. And my heart breaks a little. To see some of the hurt that I inflicted on others but also on myself. I was but a kid.  So how does one get back to being a stable sturdy impassioned philosophical writer. How do I get to a place where I can write paragraphs and words and have them Inspire others. To convey what is going on in my life in a way that shows ultimate hope. Cuz that's who I am now. I will never give up hope on finding true love and peace and prosperity. I'm finished looking back. I know some will want to see who I wa...

It seems like everything that could have went wrong today did.  Had one client today. I think I did not give her a good experience.  Was grocery  shopping on behalf  of Instacart  today, and the store assigned was lacking a lot of things for her order. I kept in contact . Her and I got some acceptable replacements.  Fine.  When I went into the store  it was extremely  sunny with only a few Sirius clouds in the sky. So I crack my windows ever so slightly to try not to come back out to a totally steamed car. As i walk back out of course its storming with horizontal rain. The inside of my car got it good, along with clients groceries  , my client book. And my hair and clothes. Rushing back I slipped and hurt  my back even more than it already had been hurting.  So after just one client today I went home to dry off .  I wanted a drink so bad. But i made a choice not to drink. I do not have a problem with drinking but it's been...

Well well well. After so many years I am back to reclaim everything. I was able to recover this blog. Interesting  read up on myself. Who I was. Who I've become. Today I started setting up my business sites. Finished the face book page. Now the huge task of getting my website up and running. That's going to be huge. I have reclaimed my website tommydimera.com and also claimed my business  website tcdimeraservices.com The business front I'm coming on. Personal life? Lol. Wow, so much has happened since the last time I posted to this blog. So as i go about life and keep up to date with things going on, i will visit the past and add some descriptions  if needed. Other than that, I will live more in present day and building my future. Love you. 

Well, I'm just looking about at the over 500 blog post I have done over the years.  I came accross this one from 10 years ago.  I don't know why I want to post it.  It's just things change so quickly in life and I can see the maturity level there vs now.  It's scrary and fun looking about on some of the things in life.  I dunno.  I'm PMSing really bad today and just so many things I'm thinking about.  I have this blog to try to get some of this stuff out.  I don't know if it will work, but I'll try it.   Here's that blog from 10 years ago.   <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  Published on 2/11/03 3:52 AM Eastern Standard Time Hello my ovely peeps. Okay, so lets get this over with. Cory and I got into a big fight, and I was so sick of it.. Peopl...

Well it’s the end of one month and the beginning of another.  So, what’s it all about? Well, first, I want to update everyone on my Soul Goals / Resolutions.  Here they are just to remind everyone.  1)       What the heck did you think Number 1 would be?  Here’s a big number.  I plan to lose 75 Pounds by December 20 th .  I plan to lose at least 25 of that by May 12 th .  You can track my process by my new plan online at myfitnesspal.com.  I encourage everyone to join and help one another.  My user name is tommywd 2)        Words are powerful.  Words are never perfect, but they can be used to help or hurt.  I plan to use my words more positively in 2013. That means (GOD HELP ME WITH THIS ONE) less cursing.  Fewer complaints.  More encouragements to all around me.  More love.  A little less attitude (though I wouldn’t be Tommy if I didn’t speak m...

 The end of the world.  So, if this is my last blog, I will make it brief.     If the world were to end today I would be okay.  I would take comfort in the fact that all my enemies are gonna die, and I will know I lived life well.       It's so easy to get caught up.  People fearful of death.  I know that I have this comfort in no matter what, God has brought me to this day.  Has blessed me with so many good people in my life.  My cup overflows easily.  I mean, my family.  The crazy people we are.  We been through a lot, but look at them.  Every member of my family so beautiful with the core of all their beings  filled with love.  My family is so diverse, yet united in the fact that we love like no other.  Near or far, we are strong.     My friends.  Wow, what friends I have.  We fight, we love, we fight, we love.  We know that we have each other. ...

Hello Peeps. So, I want to write a blog solely about poker. Recently I have had such a bad string of luck both professionally and on the amateur circuit. So, I decided to take a break from poker for a little bit. In this time off, I have reconnected with my poker sensei, "The Wizard" , and I have come up with some recalculations of the mathematics I use during the game and adding a couple of equations that I have not used previously. We have been practicing and we have engaged in this mission. So, I declare that now it's time to get serious. I think I have found a new formula that works wonders. I know that my skills are up to par and I am able to implement them. We are currently working out plans for the future that includes me realizing a lifelong goal. To be the first openly Gay player to hold both WSOP and WPT Championship wins. Sometimes, I would wonder what I am doing wrong. But Wizard reminded me it doesn't matter how m...

“It would be so easy to turn to evil. It would be so easy to sell myself short in all matters. But I choose good because I know it makes me feel just that. “ Recently, there have been so many questions in my mind. Why can’t I be where I want to be in life? Why is it impossible (or so it seems) to change my current situations. Money issues, matters of the heart, family issues, friendship issues, religious issues. They all seem to creep back up just when I thought I had them conquered. So why is it that I cannot seem to find the proper financial solution to all my current woes? Is it because when I had lots of money, I mishandled it without care or consequence? Maybe. All I know is that this adjustment has been hard. Extremely hard. Choosing between being with my friends and saving the little money I have. Choosing between generosity and selfishness all in the name of self-preservation. It’s funny how I now have 1 ½ jobs, and yet I feel as if I’m drowning even more than when I ...

Months and months has passed, and now I decide to type a blog. I don't know what I can type about, but I'm just gonna let it flow like old times. Life for me: Life is good. I know I say it a lot in my Facebook posts, but it's so true. Just 3 months ago, I was at the lowest of lows. I'd been unemployed, I'd been robbed at gunpoint, I'd been through so much. I was miserible. I was becoming the person I hated again. Reminded me of my Burger King days. Some think that it changed because I got a job. That is false. I reached such a low that I decided in August that Starting september, I would go down with a smile and positive attitude. Two days after I embarked on the "ReNewed" Tommy, I got the call for the job. Ever since then, I''ve, for the most part, kept the positive energy going. Now, to be on a positive kick does not mean I will/have been exempt from funky days. But my reaction to those days is no longer to just let it throw me ...

I feel their eyes fixated on me. Perform. Perform! But I can not. I feel frozen. Frozen within myself. This is what drags me. Keeps me here. As I try to gather strength it seems that it's taken away with the basic survival instinct. I don't want to let them down. I've been let down so much and I refuse to let them suffer the same agony. Perform Tommy! Be this, be that. You shine at this, you shine at that. Why can I not feel it? Why do I not see myself as they do? I often tell myself I must be when almost all of them think that I am. But I see my faults. How can I overcome them? I'd rather freeze myself now rather than fight against this. I see the good and I know it's not only a performance, but simply who I am. But to label it, and to be it 100% of the time is so hard. 95% is a challenge. And 90% is more like it. For I get frozen; I get inside of myself and just sleep as if I've not rested in years. Not because I am not, but more because I am afraid I will no ...

Hello my Peeps. Okay I promised and promised and promised and now I'm finally typing something. I don't know where this is going, but its going. ::::::::::: Job News::::::::::: Major news of course is the job. I have a job after 1 year 3 months. It's been fantastic. So many people, though, have asked where I work. They ask and I almost always lie. I'm not ashamed of my but I made the mistake of mixing my personal life with my work life (Which I think is the reason or a major reason why I lost my job in the first place. ) So, I set out on a mission. I will not let either of them intermingle. The work people know nothing about my friends family etc., and vice versa. Some say this is silly, but hey, it's how I choose to take control of my life. No longer will I play victim and put out fires. I'm fire proofing my whole life. I now know what it's like to be without a job and how things get. I've moved on from that and I never want to go back there again, so I...

Hello my friends, family, and fans. This is gonna be a bit of a ranting blog. So, if you have the balls to read it, do so without getting angry. For the last few months, I've been reading more blogs and comments than ever. I made a resolution to loose x number of pound by x day. Then another x by x day. So, silly me, for inspiration, I thought I would read some people who I consider(ed) friends who were okay in their fitness. Much to my surprise, many of them took the time that they could have used to encourage and push people to better themselves physically to belittle, berate, and chastise overweight people. Now, after reading months and months of this crap, I am prepared to make a statement.... First of all, to myself and all of my plus sized brothers, sisters, and sisthers. We were beautiful then, we are beautiful now, and we will be beautiful forever. I am not loosing weight so I can be like "them". Never will I have the classic definition of the "perfect" ...

Okay, cursor, enough with the blinking. I will type now!!!! Geez. Hello everyone. Welcome to my blog, and double welcome to my Annual Thank Yous. I'll start with a quick update. I'm sleeping better now. I had a chance to hear some stories of Mike and stories of Dannon that I hadn't ever heard. It was nice to reflect and to be around people who knew them a lot longer than I had. It's so nice to hear the impact people have on other's lives in such positive way. I find such comfort in that. I'm restarting this year. I was thinking how much I hated 2010. But then, I think on it in this way. it was the last year that I was able to spend with Mike and the only year I was able to know Dannon so I can't hate or dismiss it. It holds cherished memories and I will give it at least that respect. As I move on with the New Year, I won't forget the many many lessons I learned, and the friends that will not be traveling through 2011 with me in the physica...