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Showing posts from April, 2004
Jhoeny, Kerra, Andrew, Cheryl, Cory, Andrew, Cole, Dan, Mikah, Steve, Violet, Chris, Rosie, Britney Spears.
I mean, damnit, I'm nice. I don't murder, I don't hurt people for the joy of it. I love everything I come in contact with and I learn from everyone. I understan dpeeps and I show compassion for every fucking thing that I do. then I see criminals and drug addicts and murderers and racist, sexiest homophobic people get reward for doing nothing. Why is it so unbalenced in this fucking world. It's stupid. I continue to do good and get set back so many fucking times I can't even bare it anymore. I'm fucking loosing everything and the forementioned people are on top. God put me here for a reason, but I don't think I can help this world anymore. It's gone. it's done. i'm loosing faith and I'm the last person to do that, so I
Ok, crying again. Depression is so stupid it sucks. Yeah, today, though, for a change, it's not about Aaron. But now I'm crying because I mentioned his name. But, the initial crying is because of Andrew Andrew Andrew H H H. God is very cruel to me, I'm thinking right now. Okay, I'm really crying right now and can;t see the screen. I don't understand why God made me love, I mean geinuenly love someone I could never have and it's just I don't understand why my heart is somewhere it doesn't belong. it's fucking insane. I'm so sic of feeling like I not going to be happy because of stupid little shit that shouldn't even be a fucking factor. God is suppiosed to be love. and love is supposed to besomething not easy to come by, but somehat that is obtainable. Why is it not for me. Why and I so fucking destined to be alone for my life. I want someone to fucking share this journey and I pled and I pray everyday. I follow the rules of
Hey. Okay, I'm blogging again. So, I have this new friend, Jhoeny, and she's a super sweet girl and she show such strength with certain things that she's gone thru in her life. She's an instant friend to me. Kerra is a little standoffish twords her for some reason. Kerra is just my weird little girl. I totally lover her. So, okay, stupid people should be shot and dumped in a river. Ooooo Tommy, don't say that. I'm horny. There. I'll say that instead. Well, I spoke with Andrew H last night. He improved my mood a lot. I'm still in deep depression though. But I always feel better when I speak with him. No one can tell me that I wasn't destined to be with him. I was, I promise. But it's jsut circumstances that keep me from him and that fucking sucks. In fact, I'm about to make an offical declairation. Cory wasn't the love of my life. It was always Andrew H. I was thinking would I leave Andrew H for Cory,
Hey Kids. Tommy D Signing in. So, depression has spread of course. Sucks ass. Didn't want to be like this. Aaron and Mike are really intense. Mine and Aaron's mutual friend, Sarah tells me all this stuff aboutthem. It should have been me. Oh well. So, went out with Shawna and others tonight and just got even more bummed. It's so easy for someone people to just meet someone. And it's like, I'm always the third wheel in all situations. Or is it fifth whell? Whatever the hell it is, I'm it. So, ok. Anyways. Sorry, I can't keep my train of thought tonight. I've had a couple of Apple martinis and a blue margarita. Never had a blue margarita before. It was great. Still ddn't drown the deep feelings of hate, hurt, misfortune and all I feel inside. Yeah yeah. I haven't shaved in a while, so I actually am starting too look like a serial killer. I'm just glad Istill bathe. Oooo fucking great, I feel a cold comming
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I don't know what's up with Quizilla.com, but for some reason the pictures aren't showing up on my blogger. Anyone else experiencing this problem?
Yeah. Hey kids. So, yeah, I have some stuff to chat about. Aaron did eventually come by and he informedme things were getting serious with him and Mike and he would have to break off all other sexual and emotion relationships with other peeps. Okay, here's a few quotes from Aaron. " This is so hard for me with you because a month ago I thought you would be the one..." " Tommy, are you ok? You know I care too much for you not to be ok." " I will never regret what you allowed to me have. I realize how important it was to you. Thank you for that" Yeah, so, that's just three of the quotes. So, yes, we did make love on last time. Sounds like one of those cheesy romance novels don't it? Yeah, it's a totally different thing when it really happens. I figured that I won't be with anyone else for a long time, so I might as well have one last time with the man that took my heart and my virginity. I know , I know. I said no it