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Monday, December 27, 2010
As I take this time of reflection as many people do during this time of year, I think of how to do my annual Thank Yous. Because I set the rules that never will my thank yous have any hint of negativity, how am I to do it in a year filled with the most negativity I've experienced.
I will be able to do my thank yous this year, because in the rough, it's easy to see diamonds. At least for me it is.
Last year, I wasn't even able to do my thank yous due to the way the beginning of this year started. So, I've pledged to do them. I loosely made some resolutions that I did not keep at all. 2010 was one of the worst years on record for me. It was just horrible. It started horrible, got better during the middle, then ended horrible. So, after New Years, I will be posting my Thank Yous. I hope that those people who are tagged will read them because I don't say thank you enough to them. But, for now, I'm going to repost my thank yous from 2008. I think it's good not only to reflect upon the previous year, but of your entire life. I try not to make it just once a year that I do this, but this year has made it kind of hard to reflect on anything.
Well, with so many changes recently. Getting involved with a guy, trying to play this secret game, then getting my heart broken I've been rather down. And, before I say my thank yous for the year, I would like to say my sorrys.
I'm sorry to all those I made concern by my random Facebook postings. Particularly Sue and Robert. I'm a rather emotional person (imagine that) sometimes. Great ups, great downs. And sometimes my status updates are extreme. They are sometimes a misrepresentation of who I am. But make no doubt about it, I am and shall remain a Christian. I am, and shall remain a good hearted person. I am, and will remain committed to all those who are less fortunate than most. I will continue to try to be a champion for those who are discriminated, hated, and put down. For those who have a small voice or no voice at all.
I'm sorry to God who has given me so much, yet this year I didn't communicate, nor keep faith with him at all times.
I'm sorry to those I let down, and those who I couldn't help because I was wrapped up in my own issues. I don't say that for someone to comment "Help yourself in order to help others" I know I have to take care of myself, but I can recall moments where I was just so wrapped up in my own stuff that I totally closed off the suffering of others. That's where personally I draw the line.
I'm sorry that I stopped sharing my Journey during all of this. I may have been able to help someone going threw this same stuff if I put it out there as I promised to do when I first started writing this blog 10 years ago.
It can only get better from here though. 2011 is about changing back. So many people make a commitment to change. I make one to change back to a time I was closer to God, closer, to family and friends, and closer to being the man I know God created me to be. I'm ready. Are you?
Here is the repost of my Thank Yous for 2008 with the hopes of reflection , strength, and knowledge for the future. God Bless.
((((((((((((((RESPOST 2008 THANK YOUS))))))))))))))))))
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wow, I'm way late. Sorry. Well, I've been busy. The next blog I post after this will be full of details of my life, my birthday, my newsyears. All the goodie goodies. lol. But I have to get straight to the thank you because this year there are too many people. I may even have to split this into two blogs. We'll see.
Lets start off with my resolutions. I had to pick and choose carefully this year because I had so much success with last years that I wish not to muck it up this year.
1. Of course last year I wanted to not gain any weight, and then secretly I resolved to loose 20 pounds. So, this year, up front, I want to loose 30 pounds by December 30 2009.
2. I resolve to limit my potty mouth. Since I'm seen as a leader at church, Pastor Jeff pointed out that the reputation of the church can be reflected in the things I do. So, my major this is my potty mouth. I want to limit it a lot in 2009, and in 2010 I wish to eliminate it all together. So don't look at me funny when I say fizzlesticks.
3. I resolve to put myself out there more and find my soul mate. I've been toying around all these years thinking he or she will find me. Well, it's just not happening. So, I'm going to go out there and find him or her!
4. I resolve to stop drinking soda , exception being diet soda. Well, wherever you fall on this issue, I think the bulk of my weight issues steam from my consuming of soooooooo many sodas. I am not a big eater, but I can down three 2 liters of mountain dew in one day. So, It ties in with my weight loss plan, but it's it's own specific resolution.
5. I resolve to meet at least three "internet" friends in "real life" I am lucky to have so many great friends Online who I've never meet and I think it's time to step out there and meet and greet. I'm very socially awkward, I know, but my life is going to be what it is regardless. Thusly, I need to get over my insecurities and fears and meet these people face to face. I may not be as funny as I am online for I have time to think before I type out, I may not be as handsome as my picture is online for I only pick and choose the best photos of me, and I may not be as receptive to my friends feelings for I haven't a lot of experience with social clues, but damnit, I need to get the hell over it. The friends that I have in "real life" love me for the goofy awkward guy that I am.
6. I resolve to get health insurance and actually see a doctor. I have a great distrust for doctors, but as I get older (Yeah, I'm shocked that I am actually aging as well) it's more important to at least have that resource to help my health. I've not had any health issues thus far, but that could change any moment.
7. I resolve to give forgiveness I've been denying. I know it sounds like a Tim McGraw song, but there are a few people who I've not forgiven in my mind that I think it's time to Forgive. I want everyone I've ever had an issue with know that i forgive them and I will ask for there forgiveness as well. Many will not give me forgiveness, but I will give it to them regardless.
8. I resolve to finish my book, "Alle" . It's the most painfully chapter in my life that I try not to speak of or think of and I had the energy to do it earlier in 2008, but my confidence faded with issues that arrived in my life. it's time to finally put a period in that chapter of my life.
9. I resolve to write (paper and pen, not internet) at least one family member, friend, or random person out of the phone book per week. Sounds nuts? Well, I think the pen is mightier than the click. I've slacked off on my writing big time in 2008. There's no reason for this. I want to write to my family and friends. Not text and email. So, I resolve to do just that.
10. I resolve to try to de clutter my life (materially). I once had all I wished for financially, and I abused it. I didn't appreciate any of it. Then, I took a big hit and lost a lot. Now that I'm getting financially fit again, I resolve to not fill my home with materials. I resolve to only buy what I need with rare little "gifts" sporadically during the course of the year. But never again let what I have define who I am. I will save up, and I will be a more giving person financially.
11. Finally, I resolve to GO THE HELL BACK TO SCHOOL! Not online courses, not a class every semester. But to complete my college education within the next two years. I need to get serious with this. No more excuses. I'm going to finish school damnit.
Okay, yeah, that's it! Now to the Famous Disclaimer and the awesome 2008 thank yous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, The Famous Tommy D. Annual Thank YOu. The Disclaimer!!!!!!Ok, the thank yous. Same disclosure as the last 7 years. For all the new peeps, this is my annual thanks for people in my life in the previous year, 2008, that made a great impact on my life for the year. There's no negative here, and if you're not mentioned, you should have had more of a presence in my life ( or been more positive) so no complaints, and no apologies given. These are in no particular order, and these are truly sincere and from my heart.
Debra E. (Mommy)- You being yourself have made this 2008 go by so much better than it logically could. i would not have not made it through without you the to help hold me up. Thank you so much for all your love and I hope you know it's returned. I couldn't have asked for a better support or mother than you.
"L" E. (Sis) - Along with mom, you were just so supportive and you kept my thoughts so high. I have so much love for you. I start to cry just thinking how good of a person you are. You deserve so much in life and from what I see, you're not getting what you deserve but I have nothing but faith that you will. I love you so much and thank you for keeping me alive this year.
Marcus E. (Nephew)- Your support of not only me, but the entire family has given us a way to survive. Thank you so much for all that you have done. You have surpassed your father and you are an example of true love and family commitment. I can not tell you how thankful and proud of you I am. I could not ask for a better nephew.
Tenisha E. (Niece In Law) - Your friendship is and has been so important to me. Never do I feel as comfortable talking about stuff than when I'm around you. You have been my support, my reason, and my critic and it's so important that you are in my life. thank you so much for being there and I hope you know how much I love you.
Eugenia W. (Grandma)- You are the example that I wish to try to live by. You have shown me how faith can bring you through. You were diagnosed with Cancer, and you never gave in. You kept faith. I speak to you on the phone and your words comfort and strengthen me. Sometimes, I feel I'm not even worthy of such a person as my relative, but not for one moment can I give you up. You are the core of who I am. I joined church mainly because of you, I took extra steps to be closer to God because of you. How do you thank a person for giving you your eternal salvation. Your treasures are stored up high in heaven. I love you so much and thank you for everything.
Calvin D. (Grandpa)- You horny devil you. Grandpa, the way you carry yourself and the way you are so warm to all those around you shows that I have great genes. Thank you so much for being such a positive part of my life. You are also an inspiration for all those around you.
"L" Jr. ( My flawed but confident Niece)- thank you for your companionship during the year. No matter the issues, you really helped me fight loneliness when it could have easily overtaken me.
Maryann G. ( Auntie)- We are so much alike and we understand each other maybe better than anyone in the family. I love you and thank you so much for all that you have done for me. I am constantly trying to be a strong beacon as you are to the family.
Freddie D. (Uncle)- Never did I know how strong you are. growing up, I didn't realize that you even existed. Now, and way too late, I'm discovering how truly awesome you are. I have never meet a person as focused on pleasing others around him. Your soul is so beautiful and I can't believe that it took so long to realize what an awesome gift god gave to to have you a part of my family.
Penny D. (Disciple)- Penny, why are you so awesome? It's unreal that I have you as a friend. You are the calm in my storms. You are strong and reasonable and sooooooo very loving. Thank you so much for giving me back that gleam in my eye.
Katrina D. (Disciple)- Katrina, from your contagious laugh to your sternness and compassion, you are such a great person and friend. I wish I could record every conversation that we've had. I draw something from you from the most meaningless conversations to those big ones. You are beautiful inside and out and damn, I'm truly blessed.
Brian D. (Disciple)- Not only are you an awesome guy, but you're married to Katrina so that makes you a super fantastic awesome guy! Thank you Brian for show all of us that you can rise above anything and be a better person for it. Stay real and stay awesome.
Jarvis T. (Disciple)- Life hasn't been kind to you recently, but I know it will change. You are a great guy deep down and the lessons that I have learned from you will always be in my mind. thank you for being so forthcoming and honest. You are fabulous and I hope you learn just how fabulous you are.
Nancy S. (Disciple)- I have felt so much comfort in your arms and you continue to comfort me after it all. You have a great example of faith and a heart bigger than anything. Thank you so much much for getting through it all. Thank you for your constant words of kindness, comfort, and knowledge.
Shawn D. (Disciple)- Shawn, you are friggen awesome in every way. I can not describe how the slightest of nods from you would be a miracle to anyone receiving it. Thank you so much Shawn for showing me how awesome you are and for being not only a friend, but a mirror to me.
Melody M. (Disciple)- Melody, you are my confidence. You coached me so well, and you gave me a new and better life. You have taken this broken boy and helped make him a whole man again. I can keep saying thank you over and over for the rest of my life and still I would not have said it enough. Thank you for the impact and the change in my life.
Chris T (Disciple)- Chris your hugs are so awesome and you are so awesome. So what if you hate cats. lol. Your impact on me was sudden yet profound. Thank you for being such a great person to me and all others around you. Stay beautiful.
Chris M. (Disciple)- You are not only the warmest guy, but you are also a damn good looking one at that. Thank you so much for giving me a laugh, giving me comfort, and giving me so much strength. To see your beautiful smile, or to get that opportunity to hear you speak and to be just the awesome guy you are is a blessing for not only me but for many others.
Robin E. ( Disciple)- You helped me so much with situations that came up in my life in 2008. Never has a man been so lucky to know a woman. Robin, you have such a gift and I hope you know it. So much comfort have I felt being around you. You don't speak much, but everything you say is a comfort. Thank you so much.
Cindy M. (Disciple)- Your accent is addictive, and your beauty is limitless. Cindy, than you so much for providing me with a firm foundation to lift off my new life. You still owe me a band play though. lol. Love you.
Pastor Jeff M. ( My spiritual Sheppard)- Words can not express my gratitude to you Pastor. You are not just a figure head at church. You are a part, though big, but a part of our church and a major part of why I live today. Your sermons never disappoint, and the personal attention you gave me this year, I can not thank you enough. You inspire me so much and thank you for being who you were meant to be.
Terry D. (Communion Leader/Trainer)- Thank you so much Terry for being a listening ear and a great teacher. You have helped me so much with coming out of my shell this year and you continue to be such a great person to me. You're such a beautiful person and I'm so lucky to have known you more this year.
Tina J. (Deacon/Oasis Leader/Friend) - You have been more than just a leader to me. You've shared your life and I've shared mine. You always show such compassion and love and reason. You are a true blessing on so many levels. My lord, I can't ask of anything else for the gift of you is more than I ever deserved in this life. thank you so much Tina for being there.
Vivian W. (Friend) - I just wanted to give you thanks Vivian for being a part of JMCC and a part of my life. You have brought me so much comfort in times of stress and your beautiful soul is on such display. Week after week, I've grown more loving of you and I just wanted to let you know how appreciated and loved you are by me. Vivian I know that you are storing so many treasures in heaven and I know that here on earth you will be blessed for you have blessed so many just by being a part of there lives. thank you Vivian.
Valerie M ( Lesbian Love/ Friend)- Val, my dear, I love you too much. Sometimes you don't know how much and I'm sorry if I can't convey it enough, but I'm trying. You are the reason why I can be happy with me. You started this progress long before anyone. I love you so much. thank you for all you did to help me and thank you for being my friend. I love you for exactly who you are and I know the true is same the other way around. I love you so much and thank you for giving me the miracle that is you.
Cindy F. (My High School Sweetheart)- Cindy never can I be so real as when I'm speaking with you. thank you Cindy for being a strong stubborn perfectly great friend. We have to be more close in 2009 and I hope you don't mind, but you are just to awesome to loose as a friend.
Brandi H. ( Brandine my social Butterfly) - Brandine, you have a continuous presence in my life everyday. Never is there a memory of you that slips my mind. Someone as beautiful as you is my friend. Are you kidding? I'm the luckiest guy around (Except for whatshisface or course) Thank you for continuing to bring me into the world and making me feel so awesome about... well, me.
Amanda Jo ( Friend and Inspiration)- We found each other thinking that one of us was someone else. How blessed I am to discover you are not who I thought, but you are Amanda friggen Jo. I can not tell you how thankful I am to have met you. You are beautiful inside, and out, and to the side. you are such a wonderful person and I think that everyone around you so just drop down and thank God for having you a part of their lives. thank you for being so awesome and thank you for keeping my secrets and allowing me to laugh.
Reonna Mia ( My niece by choice)- Your confidence and your beauty shines through. You're so much like me, it's kinda scary. thank you so much for being so loving to me. never would I have thought that when I met you back in 1997 that you would be such an important part of my life. You bring me comfort and love and a warm fuzzy feeling. Thank you.
Mysty M. ( Friend and secret lover)- Thank you for the things you've done for me. You raise my confidence, and lord knows I need that. You show an example of someone that is comfortable with who they are and man I can't tell you how beautiful that is. I'm trying to get there.
Jhoeny G. ( The Mother of my Kada)- Jhoeny, you continue to inspire me. You're a mother now and damn, you still do it with style and spirit. Thank you so much for providing me with that all important smile and keeping me focused on what is important in life. Bless you and your beautiful family.
Dan V. E. ( My most dreamed of friend) - You are one of the reasons I hold my head up high even through all the adversity I've faced. You have such a beautiful soul and I hope you know how much I truly appreciate you. I will be in more contact with you in 2009 so there's your warning. I refuse to let you go as my friend. Thank you so much for your friendship.
Sue (My Myspace Auntie)- Sue, you are a true to heart genuine person and I thank you so much for not only sharing with me, but also for allowing me to explore myself with you. Ooo, also, for letting me beat you so bad in every game we play. lol. But, Sue, I can not tell you how awesome you are and how thankful I am to you. I hope you know this.
Ashley ( My sis in a lot of ways)- You are awesome. I need not tell you that though. You know it. And I want to thank you for the thought provoking conversations and allowing me to be a part of your life.
Antwan H. ( My longest running friend)- Thank God we continued contact in 2008. thank you for being a senile SOB. lol. You are my rock through it all. i can always depend on you and I thank you for being there.
Earlene R. ( My ex coworker and Spiritual Grounder) - Thank you so much Earlene for reaching out to me and keeping my head in the right direction. You can not know how much I love and appreciate you. How I do miss our long conversations about life and the direction God wants both of us to follow.
Lisa R. (My co-Worker and reason I love the Job)- Lisa, you have such an ability to calm me down that it scares me so much. thank you so much for keeping me so on the ground and making sure I remember my own morals. Also, thanks for making Matthew. One day, him and ;I will be married and I can call you mom!!!!!!!!!
Michelle Mia (My Light Skinned Competition) - Michelle, you are so awesome. You always bring a smile to my face. thank you for being real with me all the time and putting up with my Zack jokes. BTW, I better end this so you can get back to making out with him. lol.
THAT'S ITS. Damn! Hopefully that's clear enough. I love you all. New Blogs to come. Bless you.