Life's TRUE Journey

Okay, lets get caught up on my life. First, I must make a retraction. This is a very hard thing for me to do. My friend Scott, died, as previously stated, and for all these weeks, I didn't really know what happened. Well, kids, I had it thrown in my face today. SUICIDE Thiis upset me terribley. I really do not wish to pay tribute to someone who took a cowards way out. I mean, I loved him. He was my friend. But to pay tribute to him would be like telling myself that everything I stand for doesn't matter in the end, and I feel it does matter in the end what you lived for and what you died for. And if Scott, basically saying that he doesn't love himself, took his life, I think it just shows he was never the person that I knew. I really feel great anger twords him right now. Ugh, maybe this really isn't the time for this. I will trying to talk mosr about this later. Sorry.

Lives were taken in an instant. Our sense of security lost in seconds. This is just a small percentage of the words that are shouting in my head about the tragic events of September 11th, 2001. By now, we all know what happened. I am deeply saden by the events that took place. It makes this little diary thing seem so silly and not worth the effort. I felt that what I say here was absoulet. My ranting and raving about what I like and what I don't like seems almost pathetic compare to the emotions of lots and lots of people at these trying times. But then I started to remeber what all my friends taught me. That is the love of yourself. It's what has kept me going for so long. I feel this "blog" is a way to put a piece of myself out there for other to see. I feel that everything I do is a part of me, therefore everything I do is something worth while. So, eventhough I'm going to continue to do my blog and rant and rave about the small things i

I've had the Flu for about a week, so I haven't been able to really concentrate on writting in here. But I'm back. Todays worry is about getting old. I'll tell you what brought this on. A good internet friend of mine asked me to call him. Well, I didn't call but I did do this voice thingy with MSN messenger. So, I said hello to him and he started telling me that I sound like an old person. This, of course, hurt my feelings because everything hurts my feelings. Then, later that same day, Doug called me ugly. Well, we were playing around, I said to him, "God your a stupid booze drinking small dick loser" and then he in turn said, "You're a ugly 50 cent slut" and I took it to heart. God, I'm so stupid sometimes. I went and cried. I think I need some anti-depressants. I think I'm in depression but I don't know. I still have a totally high self esteem, and I like to get out and all that. It's that I'm way