Lives were taken in an instant. Our sense of security lost in seconds. This is just a small percentage of the words that are shouting in my head about the tragic events of September 11th, 2001. By now, we all know what happened. I am deeply saden by the events that took place. It makes this little diary thing seem so silly and not worth the effort. I felt that what I say here was absoulet. My ranting and raving about what I like and what I don't like seems almost pathetic compare to the emotions of lots and lots of people at these trying times. But then I started to remeber what all my friends taught me. That is the love of yourself. It's what has kept me going for so long. I feel this "blog" is a way to put a piece of myself out there for other to see. I feel that everything I do is a part of me, therefore everything I do is something worth while. So, eventhough I'm going to continue to do my blog and rant and rave about the small things in my life, just know that I'm not blowing this situation off. I'm just not letting the terriorist win. My thoughts and prays are with everyone.
Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina. After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually driven as I am now. Ever. Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal. I started with thinking that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin