Life's TRUE Journey

Ok, first off, don't you dare start yelling at me. I've been, like, way way more busy than you';ll ever know. And, to pour salt in the wound, this will have to be short because this is the forth annual repost of last years 3rd annual Thank You's. I know all of you were waiting for the thank yous. well, just like the previous three years ( damn I been doing this journal for too long. hee hee hee) I will post the current year's thank you on New Years Eve, New years Day, or up to three days after New Years day. So, check back again. So, Let me update with the current stuff. Geez, so much has happened. i had a boyfriend. His name is Kevin. He's the one I had a "fling" with earlier this year when my mother went out of town and i was totally depressed. Well, we declaired ourselves official, and that when shit just went down hill. I'd say about two weeks after we started offically dating, he was saying he loved me. I mean, he would honestly turn to me an

Your a "Goth". People give you this nasty name called "goth" You just want to be loved like the rest of us. People don't accept you so you go into denile. Just remember to hang in there and things will get better. ^_^ What's your social status? brought to you by

Feeling Frustrated Hearing Celine Dion (Don't Laugh) My Lord, My Nation, My Self Hello and welcome to my Blog yet again. I have a few things to get to in this issue, so , please remain patient. This election season was so draining in all aspects. It makes me ill to know that I am in what is known as a red state ( More like redneck state if you ask me) . This election has caused me to be unlike myself. Arguing with friends, harassing, physically threatening 70 year old women, and so on. Yes, you heard me. This woman was talking shit at the mall the day after the election. The quote that I overheard her say was " Republican all that way. We can't have gays running this country" and being that I was so depressed as it is, I confronted her and she threatened me, so I said if she laid one hand on me, I would make sure her family finds her pieces all accross this state. Hey, shut up. I was depressed. She called for the stupid mall gaurds but by the time th

4 :29:23 AM EST Feeling Sad No Update. No Talk This is a very sad time for America. I will not update my blog, nor will I share anything with anyone. I wish not to be bothered with anyone except those in the GLBT community because others are well intentioned, but they can not begin to understand what ths means for us. So, bye. I will leave you with a note Cheryl. Goodbye. First, I want thank you sincerely for your contributions of time, money, and spirit this year. Our community stood together stronger than ever before. With millions of Americans standing on the side of fairness, the fight for equality will go on. We suffered great losses and like all of you, we are deeply saddened by the results of yesterday's election. But let's not forget that we also secured key victories because of your dedication and commitment. In congressional races, Senators-elect Ken Salazar (D-CO) and Barak Obama (D-IL) and Representatives-elect Melissa Bean (D-IL) and Gwen Moore (D-WI

5:29:26 AM EST Feeling Worried Hearing The Morning News Elect John Kerry The Day is upon us! The election is the biggest and most important in ones life time. I've done my research on all the canidates for President, and ALL the local offices and issues. I'm voting got 7 democrats, 2 republicans, and 1 libertarian this time. But the one I wish to point out is John Kerry! John will do right by this country. He has a clear plan on what he wants to do. He wants to united this country and also this world. Bush basically takes the stance that Unity is for fags. Well, I can't really update my blog right now. I've been running around campaining and yadda yaddaing. So, I will update tonight or tomorrow so I can celebrat the fact that John Kerry is our president and that Help is truly on the way. I love you all and God Bless. Written by thomasdimera

5:36:05 AM EST Feeling Quiet Hearing Lenny Kravitz Nights are lonely. Hello. Ok, so, yeah, I don't have much to say, but I'll speak. I know it seems as if all my entries recently have been negative. Sorry. I don't think in the 3 years I've been doing this journal have I had four negative post in a row. It sucks. Andrew: Andrew and I are having issues again. Andrew doesn't turn to me like he used to. I know something is going on with him, but he won't let me know what. So, that's upset me recently. Well, I can't talk much about him. I'll start crying again and I'm so sick of crying. I was pathetic last night. I was watching American Beauty and As Good as it Gets last night alone and just balling. I dunno. Would have been nice to have someone here with me. My friends are just not here at all. None of them. Sucks. I called Shawna and she was kinda a help, but she spoke to me all of 7 minutes and then had to tend to her fian

5:36:05 AM EST Feeling Quiet Hearing Lenny Kravitz Nights are lonely. Hello. Ok, so, yeah, I don't have much to say, but I'll speak. I know it seems as if all my entries recently have been negative. Sorry. I don't think in the 3 years I've been doing this journal have I had four negative post in a row. It sucks. Andrew: Andrew and I are having issues again. Andrew doesn't turn to me like he used to. I know something is going on with him, but he won't let me know what. So, that's upset me recently. Well, I can't talk much about him. I'll start crying again and I'm so sick of crying. I was pathetic last night. I was watching American Beauty and As Good as it Gets last night alone and just balling. I dunno. Would have been nice to have someone here with me. My friends are just not here at all. None of them. Sucks. I called Shawna and she was kinda a help, but she spoke to me all of 7 minutes and then had to tend to her fian

I get No Respect As a kid we would have these little things about who you like and who you would want to meet. One of the top people I've wanted to meet is Rodney Dangerfield. I seen him on one of those late night talk shows when I was young, and I enjoyed his presence and though what he talked about I didn't understand ( I was young and his comedy has more of an adult theme as you may know). I've followed his career eversince. My thoughts are with his family, his loved ones, and the ones that "respected" him. I wanted to post some of his liners to pay tribute to his gift, and please, have a final laugh for Rodney. Rodney Dangerfield 1921-2004 RIP. Get the respect in heaven. September 19I'm trying a new diet now. The diet is Viagra and prune juice. I tell ya, I don't know if I'm coming or going. September 20People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils -

Sucks to be Me Hey. I'm major depressed right now. Just, everything and stuff. I had such a horrible day and one one hand I don't even want to talk about it, but I have to because it's my life and I made a promise that I would share and try to reach out to people. but who am I kidding. No one I guess. Well, lets see, where do I begin? i have no friends. None. Well, none who are willing to be my friend when I need it. Dan, you say. No, he's not here. I find out that he's off catering to his ex girlfriend. The one who has cheated on him, dumped him, devalued him. And I try to talk to him about tonight on his phone, and for the first time since we've known each other, he snaps at me and says to mind my own business. But, yeah, I have no business. Shawna. I tried to talk to her, but she goes off and says that I call too much. Well, not exactly, but she made an off beat comment " You call me every 15 minutes anyways." So, whatever. I

Feeling Angry Hearing Just Finished watching US Open Horny and Pissed! Well, a quick entry here. Pissed off. My girlfriend, Jennifer Capriati just lost to some russian blonde hoochie in the semi final match. UGH!!!! Such an exhausting match. Well, Tommy has been such a whore recently.. WHAT?!?!?! WHO SAID THAT. I have not been such a whore. I've just been a little more flirty than usuall. LOL. I guess it's the weight lost ( Yeah, 10 more pounds Yahoo) Trouble is, I don't speak spanish! Ugh. There's this sooooooo totally nice guy and he doesn't speak much english. I mean, I feel him and I belong together, but like always,something stands in the way. I was thinking of telling one of his family members who speak english to tell him I wish to give him a blowjob, but I don't think that would go over too well. LOL. But the look he gives me, I know he wants me. (crying) Why must there obsticles to get some. Well, Shawna and I went loo

Feeling Loopy Hearing The Simpson's Soundtrack....DON'T ASK. Mentel psycho fu%* Hey peeps. Andrew is soooooo beautiful. That's him with his kitty. Ok, well, it's the begining of the month. Yay. Peeps, I know some may think I'm gullabul, or stupid, but the past few months, I had my tarot reading and made a note of them for the month comming up. And for those months, I mean, the cards have been eirly right on. So, like every month, I'm gonna post what the cards say will happen in this blog and you tell me if I'm just stupid. Then, I will update like usual that month and see if it matches. Ok, here's what they will say will happen in September. My general enviroment for Septermber will be one of judgement and legal matters ( I can tell you now that is true, because I have to take the lady to court about my car accident. ) It says also my biggest obsticle will be that law matter. They say I will also have to deal with bigotry and deciet.

5:32:28 AM EST Feeling Quiet Hearing Blink 182 Enema Of the state Album Kerr a Lot? Kerr a little? Kerr at all? Hello. Ok, well, first off, let me thank God that Jhoeny is okay. Though, it did do some damage to her physically and emotionally, she is ok. She such a strong person and that's why I love her so. I prayed so much when that stupid whore, Charlie, made his whorish presence known. I'm just glad Jhoeny and her family and friends escaped with a lot of things and a story to tell their kids and grands. A local radio station here in Indianapolis had this thing where they filled a semi up with bottled water that was given to them from the listeners and the DJ, Dave Smiley ( Total hottie and cool guy) is going down there to give them the water personally. I bought 10 cases of water to put on the truck. I was hoping they would go to Jhoeny's town, but nooooooooo. Whatever. :-) So, ok, with other stuff. Kerra is on the outs with me. She reads my journal an

6:21:20 AM EST Feeling Quiet Hearing The News Finishing Last post Dan cut himself being a dumb jock. Had to go to the hospital. only 30 stiches. He'll be ok though. So, Andrew got online, and, yeah, I was pissed off at him. Yadda yadda. Now, him and I are fighting because he's having a ruff time with something, but he won't tell me what's going on. All he said is " I'm moving to Miami" . Um, ok So, now, at the current time, I'm worried about Jhoeny because she lives in flordia where that fag, Charilie, hit and I haven't heard from her. I hope she's ok. Now I am gonna start crying since she isn't letting me know she's ok. I'm just such a lonely person. I can't stand not knowing how my good friends are for one sec. I'm so sad Julia Child passed away. I do such a great imatation of her. It sucks. God Bless her. I'm sorry I'm not updating my journal as I should. I've just been, I dunno, i

7:09:40 AM EST Feeling Mischievous Hearing Justin Timberlake   Politics are Pouring Lalala.  Ok, hi.  So, some stuff has been happening.  I'm not gonna whine or whimper about it all.  Or maybe I should.  LOL.  i dunno.  Well, my last living blood grandmother had a stroke a couple of weeks ago.  So, we went down there  (Georgia) for a weekend and it was so emotionally draining for me.  Don't worry, she's doing very well.  Still has a problem with speech, but it's not servere.  So, like, we came back up to  Indianapolis, and the next weekend, my mom was like, "Lets go".  I told her that I couldn't, so she jumps down my throat and says that I'm a non caring bastard, but I couldn't fight back.  i had too much going thru my head.  If that wasn't enough, I found out this week that my only other grandmother (  Who is actually Josh's grandmother, but like I previously said, his family loves me like I'm one of them, and vice versa, thus,

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Feeling Sad Hearing hoobastank   Death do you Part I hate this world that you live in.  the word you have made for yourself.  Why did you include me in it.  My purpose on this earth is meaningless and yet you continue to entrap me to it.  Peeps, I'm tired.  I'm so angry right now.  Yet, at the same time I am so sad.  Tears stream down my face.  It's like the right eyeball is making waterworks for all the anger I feel and the total rage I have against society, people, myself.  But the left eyeball is making waterworks for all the sadness and dissappointment I have.  How is my life so screwed up right now?>  I've done everything right in my life.  It's not worth anything. The other day I was reading up on this serial Killer and somehow he amazed me.  Somehow, I got this sensation that if I were to be more like him, all this pain and dissappointment would go away.  Or I could at least channel it into something else.  There are so many people out there tha

Feeling Flirtatious Hearing Tennis -Federer Vs Hewitt Tennis...The sport of Class Well, hello there. Wanna come over? I'm friggen horny. So, okay, I'm watching tennis which is now in a rain delay and having orgasms because Tennis is my favorite sport and, of course, I'm so in love with Paola Suarez. OMG, yummy! Also I'm in love with Roger Federer. OMG, how sexy is he?!?!?! Ok, I shouldn't watch tennis. lol. I mean, all tennis players are so sexy. Yeah, that's right, I play tennis. Ugh. I wanna get back into some competitions. I'm on the right track though. In June I lost 17 pounds, so I should start working on my serve a little more. Haven't been on a court in a while now. Sucks. Well, um, Antonio did call and yeah, we've been out on a few more dates. I don't think it's going anywhere unfortunatly. We have some different Ideals about things. I dunno. i don';t feel like talking about them right now. m

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Feeling Frustrated Hearing Bjork- Pagan Poetry Dating, Defending, & Wives Wuddup Peeps in da hood. Hollar at your boy. Anyways, hi. Well, lets get right to it, shall we. Well, my first night about with Antonio was ok. We went to the Olive Garden, a place I had never been to. Just for a small dinner. Then, being the Margarita Junkie I am, I seen on the menu they had something called Italian Margaritas. So, I preceeded to order 25 of them. Hee hee hee. I got a little tipsy. He didn't have anything to drink, so that made it even more fun. So, I'm telling him my whole lif story on our first, I guess you can call it, date. So, the night ended with a big hug and I was happy. So, our second , well, date, we went to see the Stepford Wives after we has a few drinks ( Two Apple Martinis for me) at a queer bar. So, the movie may have seemed better that it actually was, but I was laughing my ass off. OMG, Bette Midler is so great. In the movie, the Ste

Feeling Hopeful Hearing I just want to Fly _by Sugar Ray Long weeks. Rest needed. Hello Peeps. Okay, lets get to it. I've been so BUSY ever since Josh got here on the 28th of May. Just in case you don't know who Joshua is, here's a quick history. we meet when we were in highschool. I was a freshman, he a sophmore. We dated all during high school. We went our seperate ways when he cheated on me with his childhood friend, Amber, just before graduation. Then she got pregnant just from that one time, and yadda yadda. Well, bridge under the water and we keep in contact. Well, he moved to Ohio and he visits sometimes because all his family is here in Indianapolis. Well, I had the pick up duties and I picked him and Joseph ( His son) up and took them to Josh's mom's house . Like, every hour from that point, he called every 30 minutes wanting to go somewhere. And, me being nice, I took him. We went to see some great bands and all that. He s

HEY, I AM NOW ALSO POST AT MY AOL JOURNAL. IT'S THE SAME JOURNAL AND NOTHING IS CHANGED EXCEPT THAT ON THIS BLOG, YOU CAN SEE THE QUIZ RESULTS I TAKE AND ON AOL YOU CAN SEE THE PERSONAL PICTURE I POST, BUT ONE DOESNT DO THE OTHER. YOU CHOOSE WHICH ONE YOU WANT MORE TO VIEW. HERE IS THE LINK TO THE AOL JOURNAL. journals.aol.com/thomasdimera/blog

Hey peeps. I'm tired and feeling really really sick, so I just want to post the E card I sent to Andrew. I wish I could somehow allow you peeps to see the whole card with the animations and mucis, but nooooooooo. Just the text. Well, later peeps. No update on my life right now. Just the card. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hello Andrew. This may be Corny to you or stupid, but I just wanted to express a few things to you, so please take a little time out to read this. Andrew, I love you with all my heart, and I know it's an expression overused in today's society and I'm sorry if it doesn't truly express what I'm trying to convey to you. But, there's nothing more I can do. I hope you can trust me enough know to know that the words I say are true. You came to me when I w

Sorry. Had to come on and say how much I think Laura Prepon from that 70s show ( She plays Donna ) looks to me so much like Gwyneth Paltrow since she dyed her hair Blonde. Am I the only one who thinks this?

Ok, this may be a long post. I'm not sure. I just have a few things to speak about. First, I'm going to just fill in some stuff. Shawna and I had a long talk yesterday about her drug usage with Justin. And, honestly peeps, Shawna has this " You're not the boss of me " personality. But, yesterday, she actually listened. We talked about a lot of stuff and she started crying and all this. peeps, I think my blonde bimbo best buddy is finally TRUELY in love. She said she was going to talk to Justin about the drug stuff and life stuff. Apparently he's been wanting to quit the partying and settle down as well. So, hell, I might be able to be a maid of Honor soon. :-) Well, I'm getting so weirded out at work. Ok, the first few weeks I noticed that there was one gay guy named Corey who I mentioned before. Now, I noticed, there are four. John, Chris, Corey, and Derrick and it's like, OMG, it's queer haven here. There are three ultra

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Hey peeps. Tonight, my dumbass friends left without me and I'm pissed about that. Oh well. I'm missing my friend Jhoeny. She's going thru a lot of shit right now and is not able to get online and I'm missing the hell out of her. I can't speak with Kerra because she's down in Flordia. And Andrew isn't in the talking mod today . male PMS. So, I'm bored off my ass today. OMG, I was almost in another car wreck today. Jhoeny is gonna totally laugh when she hears this. It was due to the WLOPS Jhoeny. :-). So, i was driving and making a left hand turn and I seen this........... this............ Spider that just flew in the window. I'm driving and trying to blow this thing out of the window, but it kep webbing down. So, I end up on a grassy curve and blowing andfreaking and being dumb. LOL. I finally opened my burger king cup and covered it. I let Dan release itwhen I got to his house. Am I crazy? Don't answer that. We

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Hello. Is anyone here. Oh hi, it's Tommy D. Okay, so,let me update. that last post was a very honest and frank representation of how I was feeling. I felt like total crap that day. But, like always with the aid of good friends like Kerra, Andrew, Jhoney, and Dan, I was able to overcome a big bigstorm. Noticibly missing from that is Shawna. Ugh. Shawna. She's doing stupid stuff now. Justin, god bless him, but he is a drug user and he has her thinking it's no big deal that she is following in his footsteps. Ugh to to. It's hard talking to her now. I don't know how I will handle the situation with Shawna. I wish to be there for her, but right now I'm dealing with my own shit. So, I've completed another school semister. Yay for me I guess. Kinda sucked. In fact, I think it was the worst semister I had had. Started bad with the car accident. Ended with me watching my big crush get away from me and with health scares. In between all t

Jhoeny, Kerra, Andrew, Cheryl, Cory, Andrew, Cole, Dan, Mikah, Steve, Violet, Chris, Rosie, Britney Spears.

I mean, damnit, I'm nice. I don't murder, I don't hurt people for the joy of it. I love everything I come in contact with and I learn from everyone. I understan dpeeps and I show compassion for every fucking thing that I do. then I see criminals and drug addicts and murderers and racist, sexiest homophobic people get reward for doing nothing. Why is it so unbalenced in this fucking world. It's stupid. I continue to do good and get set back so many fucking times I can't even bare it anymore. I'm fucking loosing everything and the forementioned people are on top. God put me here for a reason, but I don't think I can help this world anymore. It's gone. it's done. i'm loosing faith and I'm the last person to do that, so I

Ok, crying again. Depression is so stupid it sucks. Yeah, today, though, for a change, it's not about Aaron. But now I'm crying because I mentioned his name. But, the initial crying is because of Andrew Andrew Andrew H H H. God is very cruel to me, I'm thinking right now. Okay, I'm really crying right now and can;t see the screen. I don't understand why God made me love, I mean geinuenly love someone I could never have and it's just I don't understand why my heart is somewhere it doesn't belong. it's fucking insane. I'm so sic of feeling like I not going to be happy because of stupid little shit that shouldn't even be a fucking factor. God is suppiosed to be love. and love is supposed to besomething not easy to come by, but somehat that is obtainable. Why is it not for me. Why and I so fucking destined to be alone for my life. I want someone to fucking share this journey and I pled and I pray everyday. I follow the rules of

Hey. Okay, I'm blogging again. So, I have this new friend, Jhoeny, and she's a super sweet girl and she show such strength with certain things that she's gone thru in her life. She's an instant friend to me. Kerra is a little standoffish twords her for some reason. Kerra is just my weird little girl. I totally lover her. So, okay, stupid people should be shot and dumped in a river. Ooooo Tommy, don't say that. I'm horny. There. I'll say that instead. Well, I spoke with Andrew H last night. He improved my mood a lot. I'm still in deep depression though. But I always feel better when I speak with him. No one can tell me that I wasn't destined to be with him. I was, I promise. But it's jsut circumstances that keep me from him and that fucking sucks. In fact, I'm about to make an offical declairation. Cory wasn't the love of my life. It was always Andrew H. I was thinking would I leave Andrew H for Cory,

Hey Kids. Tommy D Signing in. So, depression has spread of course. Sucks ass. Didn't want to be like this. Aaron and Mike are really intense. Mine and Aaron's mutual friend, Sarah tells me all this stuff aboutthem. It should have been me. Oh well. So, went out with Shawna and others tonight and just got even more bummed. It's so easy for someone people to just meet someone. And it's like, I'm always the third wheel in all situations. Or is it fifth whell? Whatever the hell it is, I'm it. So, ok. Anyways. Sorry, I can't keep my train of thought tonight. I've had a couple of Apple martinis and a blue margarita. Never had a blue margarita before. It was great. Still ddn't drown the deep feelings of hate, hurt, misfortune and all I feel inside. Yeah yeah. I haven't shaved in a while, so I actually am starting too look like a serial killer. I'm just glad Istill bathe. Oooo fucking great, I feel a cold comming