Hello my Peeps. Okay I promised and promised and promised and now I'm finally typing something. I don't know where this is going, but its going.
::::::::::: Job News:::::::::::
Major news of course is the job. I have a job after 1 year 3 months. It's been fantastic. So many people, though, have asked where I work. They ask and I almost always lie. I'm not ashamed of my but I made the mistake of mixing my personal life with my work life (Which I think is the reason or a major reason why I lost my job in the first place. ) So, I set out on a mission. I will not let either of them intermingle. The work people know nothing about my friends family etc., and vice versa. Some say this is silly, but hey, it's how I choose to take control of my life. No longer will I play victim and put out fires. I'm fire proofing my whole life. I now know what it's like to be without a job and how things get. I've moved on from that and I never want to go back there again, so I will do anything and everything to protect it.
Things are going well at the job, but for one day. Last Friday one of the big head honchos came in. Co Workers warned me about him being a total prick, but they didn't do him justice. He comes in with his hands crossed, and proceeds to not even say hi to anyone. He starts criticizing from the moment he gets in the door, never for one second giving a smile or a hint there of. He was just a fat angry man. So, I'm giving my positive energy vibe because that's all I have. And he criticizes something I did on the computer. Hell, this is only my 2nd week. So, whatever. I don't let negative things affect me. But what did affect me is what happened next. There's a sweet older lady ( maybe 60, 65) who's only job there is to clean the place. She was doing her job, and this lard ass passes by her. This area she was in was a small area of the place, and his gigantic self couldn't fit. So, he goes up to her and puts his hands on her and moves her frail little body over out his way without saying a word. This upset me. For the first time in weeks I was upset by something. I started to get the shakes. Disgusting he was and just a horror of human being. So, I finished my current assignment and went looking for her and she was cleaning up another section and she was fighting tears back. Me, being and emotional person, I started to full out cry. I just got to thinking how MS Janet has lived a life. Probably got this job to try to make ends meet and through all her struggles and her hard work, she's pushed around by this douche. Even as I think about it now, my eyes fill with tears. I was so upset I ended up taking my lunch break early and asked to go home early.
It's sickening to know that someone so miserable exist. MS Janet though is strong and she did return to work. I guess she's been through this with this guy before and she knows it's only like once every two months that he darkens the doorsteps anyway. But for me, it's not over. I've written a couple of letters to the Owner, and the Mother Companies executives and HR departments. I will not tolerate this. Many of these people are hard workers and dedicated to the quality of their work from the Supervisors to the cleaning people. None of them should be treated like that. And in two months, I don't know how comfortable I will feel with him coming in like this. He can say or do whatever to me, but I can't look into other people's eyes and just say "Oh Well, it's only every other month"
::::::::::::::::::: Relationship Update ::::::::::::::::::::::
Lots have been shocked by my disclosure about a relationship ending. Okay, here's some insight. So, many people noticed that I would check into "Justin's Bed" " Justin's House" . Justin was a friend from way back when and we started up, well, this thing. It was a purely physical thing at first. We enjoyed each other’s company and yeah, things happened. So, last month, we were talking about stuff and I was telling him about the big changes and the detoxification in my life. How all the negativity and bad stuff in my life would be phased out and how for the 200th time in my life I was starting anew. But he saw that this time was different. He was very happy, then he got a little worried that he was holding me back. It's complicated like that. So, he then asked if it would be a good thing to take our friendship/relationship to another level. That he may want to start an actual relationship. This was kind of a shock to me, so I stupidly said that I need to think about it.
So, a few weeks pass and I didn't really have any contact with him. You have to understand that in those few weeks, my bank account had hit zero, I had no job, my best friend then decided that he didn't want to be friends anymore, I was trying to tie up all these loose ends to prepare for the deadline I had set for myself (September 11th) and everything got really reallly really bad. But in my mind I knew one thing, Justin had always been there for me through all this rough stuff for the last year. And I knew that I wanted more and I just thought and assumed that he knew this. That he knew that after I got myself together, I wanted to be with him. But, you know what they say about assuming. So, I got the job, I patched some things ups. I started on this beautiful last hike up that mountain ( The biggest of my life), then I lost my guy in a single note. He wrote me a letter telling me a lot of things that I care not to share here, but I knew as I read it, there was no chance for a future with Justin. To say my heart was broken would be the understatement of the year. I haven't felt heartbreak like that since ALE. It was hurtful and we haven't talked since then unfortunately. But I'm still at the top of this mountain looking over everything. The highest peak I've been at. I thoughts I would be sitting here with Justin, but its okay. I'm filled with such happiness right now and the hope that ( Good Lord, how many times will I say this) my destiny soon will come to his peak and I will spot him from my mountain and we will bring our mountains together. lol. Never will I give up on love. Never will I give up on that hope. I know that he's out there. I don't care what label what people give me. Hopeless Romantic, Idiot, whatever. I hold on to it anyways because I've seen it happen with others and darn it, it's going to happen for me too.
::::::::::::::::::::::: Conclusion :::::::::::::::::::::::::
Well, this time in my life, I am so happy. I am crying a lot recently. I cry because I'm so happy. It's beautiful to me. And I also notice the butterflies and Fireflies around me more. They have always represented something powerful to me. Whenever they are around, I'm surrounded by good things. I'm feeling a great connection to God and to Nature and to all things good again. My year+ of hell was worth just 5 minutes of this extreme absolute happiness that i AM feeling now. Life is good. Call me crazy or whatever, but life is just good!!!!
::::::::::: Job News:::::::::::
Major news of course is the job. I have a job after 1 year 3 months. It's been fantastic. So many people, though, have asked where I work. They ask and I almost always lie. I'm not ashamed of my but I made the mistake of mixing my personal life with my work life (Which I think is the reason or a major reason why I lost my job in the first place. ) So, I set out on a mission. I will not let either of them intermingle. The work people know nothing about my friends family etc., and vice versa. Some say this is silly, but hey, it's how I choose to take control of my life. No longer will I play victim and put out fires. I'm fire proofing my whole life. I now know what it's like to be without a job and how things get. I've moved on from that and I never want to go back there again, so I will do anything and everything to protect it.
Things are going well at the job, but for one day. Last Friday one of the big head honchos came in. Co Workers warned me about him being a total prick, but they didn't do him justice. He comes in with his hands crossed, and proceeds to not even say hi to anyone. He starts criticizing from the moment he gets in the door, never for one second giving a smile or a hint there of. He was just a fat angry man. So, I'm giving my positive energy vibe because that's all I have. And he criticizes something I did on the computer. Hell, this is only my 2nd week. So, whatever. I don't let negative things affect me. But what did affect me is what happened next. There's a sweet older lady ( maybe 60, 65) who's only job there is to clean the place. She was doing her job, and this lard ass passes by her. This area she was in was a small area of the place, and his gigantic self couldn't fit. So, he goes up to her and puts his hands on her and moves her frail little body over out his way without saying a word. This upset me. For the first time in weeks I was upset by something. I started to get the shakes. Disgusting he was and just a horror of human being. So, I finished my current assignment and went looking for her and she was cleaning up another section and she was fighting tears back. Me, being and emotional person, I started to full out cry. I just got to thinking how MS Janet has lived a life. Probably got this job to try to make ends meet and through all her struggles and her hard work, she's pushed around by this douche. Even as I think about it now, my eyes fill with tears. I was so upset I ended up taking my lunch break early and asked to go home early.
It's sickening to know that someone so miserable exist. MS Janet though is strong and she did return to work. I guess she's been through this with this guy before and she knows it's only like once every two months that he darkens the doorsteps anyway. But for me, it's not over. I've written a couple of letters to the Owner, and the Mother Companies executives and HR departments. I will not tolerate this. Many of these people are hard workers and dedicated to the quality of their work from the Supervisors to the cleaning people. None of them should be treated like that. And in two months, I don't know how comfortable I will feel with him coming in like this. He can say or do whatever to me, but I can't look into other people's eyes and just say "Oh Well, it's only every other month"
::::::::::::::::::: Relationship Update ::::::::::::::::::::::
Lots have been shocked by my disclosure about a relationship ending. Okay, here's some insight. So, many people noticed that I would check into "Justin's Bed" " Justin's House" . Justin was a friend from way back when and we started up, well, this thing. It was a purely physical thing at first. We enjoyed each other’s company and yeah, things happened. So, last month, we were talking about stuff and I was telling him about the big changes and the detoxification in my life. How all the negativity and bad stuff in my life would be phased out and how for the 200th time in my life I was starting anew. But he saw that this time was different. He was very happy, then he got a little worried that he was holding me back. It's complicated like that. So, he then asked if it would be a good thing to take our friendship/relationship to another level. That he may want to start an actual relationship. This was kind of a shock to me, so I stupidly said that I need to think about it.
So, a few weeks pass and I didn't really have any contact with him. You have to understand that in those few weeks, my bank account had hit zero, I had no job, my best friend then decided that he didn't want to be friends anymore, I was trying to tie up all these loose ends to prepare for the deadline I had set for myself (September 11th) and everything got really reallly really bad. But in my mind I knew one thing, Justin had always been there for me through all this rough stuff for the last year. And I knew that I wanted more and I just thought and assumed that he knew this. That he knew that after I got myself together, I wanted to be with him. But, you know what they say about assuming. So, I got the job, I patched some things ups. I started on this beautiful last hike up that mountain ( The biggest of my life), then I lost my guy in a single note. He wrote me a letter telling me a lot of things that I care not to share here, but I knew as I read it, there was no chance for a future with Justin. To say my heart was broken would be the understatement of the year. I haven't felt heartbreak like that since ALE. It was hurtful and we haven't talked since then unfortunately. But I'm still at the top of this mountain looking over everything. The highest peak I've been at. I thoughts I would be sitting here with Justin, but its okay. I'm filled with such happiness right now and the hope that ( Good Lord, how many times will I say this) my destiny soon will come to his peak and I will spot him from my mountain and we will bring our mountains together. lol. Never will I give up on love. Never will I give up on that hope. I know that he's out there. I don't care what label what people give me. Hopeless Romantic, Idiot, whatever. I hold on to it anyways because I've seen it happen with others and darn it, it's going to happen for me too.
::::::::::::::::::::::: Conclusion :::::::::::::::::::::::::
Well, this time in my life, I am so happy. I am crying a lot recently. I cry because I'm so happy. It's beautiful to me. And I also notice the butterflies and Fireflies around me more. They have always represented something powerful to me. Whenever they are around, I'm surrounded by good things. I'm feeling a great connection to God and to Nature and to all things good again. My year+ of hell was worth just 5 minutes of this extreme absolute happiness that i AM feeling now. Life is good. Call me crazy or whatever, but life is just good!!!!