I think I gave way too many people this web address. Now that I think about it, I really don't want you all to know my thoughts and my life. But, oh well.Here is something I have thought about in the last 20 minutes. I was thinking how much better it would be if I were dead. No, I mean, somewhere between high school (My senior year just ended June 2nd) and now, I have lost myself. The future looks bad for me. I worked hard for popularity in high school. To tell you the truth, I was a major dork in Middle school, But high School I made a plan to change that and be very popular and respected and that's what I did. But it took a lot of effort and now that it's over, I feel so lost and depressed. YOu loose contact with 50% of your friends who made you who you are. You have to Be just another number in society without being known. Everyday I walked thru the halls in High school, people would say, "Yeah, that's Tommy D. We all know his story" NOw, There aren't even hellos from the people in the world today. Everytime I walked down the hall in high school, there was, "Tommy!!!!" "Hey Tommy Boy" "What's up tommy". Now, there are nods at my job and nods from my neighboors. An empty gester that takes no effort, thought, or control. And I miss it a lot. Really, I miss a lot of things.
Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina. After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually driven as I am now. Ever. Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal. I started with thinking that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin