Hey my peeps. I'm laying in my bed listening to Jewel. The old Jewel. Who will save your soul to be exact. I'm totally depressed today for some reason. I got out of Psychology class today and went to my job just to be near Cory. It's so pathetic. And I was just all cryey and sad all day. I just feel something is wrong and I feel like I want to die, but I don't think I'll ever do it. Seriously, I don't know the reason or what triggered this bout of depression. Okay, crying again. Geezus. i wish I had someone I can talk to right now. I have like no real friends that I can talk to about stuff except for Cory and Bridgette. But Cory is probabley with his little girlfriend right now and Bridgett's just not going to respond to me like I need. She's too young to understand things. She's a sweet girl and all, but there's so much she doesn't knoe about me period. Pkay, I'll try to watch David Letterman and laugh. If not, I'll just take like six sleeping pills and go to bed.
Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina. After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually driven as I am now. Ever. Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal. I started with thinking that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin