See, I told you that I would be posting a blog on regularly। I know it's just one, but I think i will be able to keep up with it if I really try। Also, I am about to purchase a new laptop that will allow me to connect to the net anytime I want, so I can do this! Now, on to some stuff। Matthew are you stalking me?:Well, ever since Matthew left me to go for a shot at his ex boyfriend (which that shot missed big time।), our friendship has been distant. I was hurt for a while, then after time I was able to give forgiveness. I didn't resume the relationship or anything like that. I just let that anger and all that bad stuff go. Recently, though, I've been getting a few reports from people that Matt has been asking them questions about me and approaching them and hanging out where I work excessively. I never paid any attention to it because I'm very busy at work. But once my boss made mention of these facts, I've been more vigilant. Two days ago, I seen Matt at the job. I thought nothing of it, because he sometimes comes there for lunch. No big deal. But then, later on that day, I was taking the deposit to the back and there he was in the elevator. He was as shocked to see me as I was him. It was an awkward "Hey. How are you? Nice to see you again" conversation. Is there cause for concern? I am not sure. I have had two stalkers before ( These were confirmed cases and one was a female. How nice) so I guess I'm used to it. lol. It's one of the dangers of putting your life out there for the public to know. But, with Matt I guess it would be a different case because I've dated him. I don't think it's a stalking situation. I mean, he works close and maybe sometimes he gets a little lonely. I don't know. We'll just wait and see if there are many more "run ins"Jimmy:Well, I've been staying at Jim's place all this week. It's been awesome having a break from the mansion. Living all the way out in basically no mans land, Its a big and welcomed change to be able to walk around the neighborhood and get to see people. It's not at all like I thought it would be. I thought living downtown in the area where I am, it would be a lot of gay people and drug dealers. It's not been that way at all. Maybe it's just the fact that you can't really tell who is "gay" now days, but the people I've met while "cruising" around have been pretty level headed and well, normal. There are some exceptions, but everyone seems very friendly. The thoughts of me living downtown have crept up and are refusing to leave. I think I am so drawn to this area that I am willing to branch out there and get a little apartment of my own. Jim.... well, that's another story. I sometimes worry that I am taking advantage of him. I guess its that guilt thing that I have where I can never let people just do nice things for me. Jim has been so sweet letting me stay at his place and shoffering me around town. I really do feel so spoiled by his friendship. I try my best to do what I can for him, but the things he does for me totally trumps anything I could ever do. He says he loves the company and I make he laugh. That's something. I plan on doing something for him. I do not know what, but I owe it to him. As Jobs go, At least I have one:Work is sucking big time right now and that makes me so sad. There are a few factors involved that I can not to get into details about right now, but it's just not what I expected. I'm noticing that soooooooo many people (not at my particular workplace) are loosing their jobs. One of my mentors, Deb , just lost her jjjob of 26 years. That's longer than I have been alive. So do I have the right to complain that things are turning miserable at my job? I don't think so. There are some great people at my job, and some not so great people at my job. Truth be told I need this job right now. It's providing me a way to church and to the places where I know people need me. It's allowing to to spread love and to learn about the modern day miracles that are happening. How can I look at it with nothing but grief; I cannot. God has given me so many gifts and one is patients and perseverance. I can continue on and continue to shine in the light of God, and that is what I shall do. Rant of the Week:Crosswalks! Okay, more specifically, the courtesy of people. Okay, very specific, people who are in their own little world and nothing else and no one else matter but them, their mission, and the smell of their own asses. I don't get why people are so in a rush for things that don't matter. I see this a lot downtown. I witnessed this morning a guy so "in need" to get to a newspaper stand across the street that he nearly knocked over an elderly gentleman and me, stood in a lane of traffic waiting for cars who had the right away to pass so he could sprint across the street, put in his 75 cents and retrieve a newspaper. Then, when the "Walk" light came back on, the elderly gentle stayed on the curb talking to another young lady. Then, when the count down started and the red "Do not Walk" signal started to flash, then the elderly gentleman decided to cross. Halfway across, the light changed and now the traffic went to an abrupt stop because he thought he could make it across with gusto. Then, the old man said " These people don't respect shit" as he approached me as I waited for the light to change in the other direction. I just thought..... WTF. I don't know. Maybe I'm just pissy or something. I just thought, what in the world are these people thinking. I think everyone should just slow down for a bloody second and look around you. Life is beautiful, people are beautiful. Why is there such a rush for nothing. Also, why won't old people realize that they are not young anymore and if they make a misjudgment, don't blame in on a lack of respect. No one honked at the man crossing or made any gestures. I don't know what my rant is. Slow down young people, speed up old people. lol. There. Now, I gotta hurry up and get to the mansion to get my books so I can head to Jim's and shower, so I can get to class. Hopefully I will remember to take a deep breathe and enjoy the beauty that is life surrounding me. God bless you all!
Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina. After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually driven as I am now. Ever. Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal. I started with thinking that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin