40 Dirty Little SecretsBe honest no matter what.[ONE] Who were your last 3 texts from?All of them from my ex Joshua[TWO] Where was your default taken ?In a room[THREE] What's your middle name?Um, I'm not telling, but I have two and they start with C and J[FOUR] Your current relationship status?Kissing a certain boy, but not totally steady because it's the kiss kiss phase. Not even dating.[FIVE] Does your crush like you back?Not as much as I would like[SIX] What is your current mood?Stiff but excited that I'm loosing weight[SEVEN] Are you shy?It used to be 90% shy, but it's down to about 65%[EIGHT] What color shirt are you wearing?Black[NINE] If you were to go on a reality TV show, which one would you go on?WIPEOUT, TOTALLY! ( I love amanda Jo and this confirms it)TEN] Are you imagining anyone naked right now?Well, Amanda Jo and Chris . mmmmm.[ELEVEN] Did you ever sneak into an R rated movie?No.[TWELVE] Ever had a near death experience?Yes, a couple. I think I really should be dead right now.[THIRTEEN] Something you do a lot?Take pictures and video[FOURTEEN] Angry at anyone?Somewhat, but Jesus Metropolitan Community Church is helping me through all the anger bullcrap[FIFTEEN] Do you want to see somebody right now?Hell yesSIXTEEN] What piercing's do you have?Honey, none. But damn I want one of my nips done so bad. If only I weren't so scared.[SEVENTEEN] When was the last time you cried?Yesterday in public because I finished reading The Diary of Anne Frank and I couldn't help it.[EIGHTEEN] Who would you do anything for?Anyone at church and my family.[NINETEEN] Are you doing anything stupid in life right now?Yes. But it's a great time to just be stupid.[TWENTY] What is the one thing you notice about the opposite sex first?Their boyfriends.[TWENTY-TWO] What's your biggest fear?Missing the love of my life because of stupid superficial things.[TWENTY-THREE] Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?Yes. I'm just a big friggen kid right now.[TWENTY-FOUR] Who's pimp?Ummmm, Bill Clinton?[TWENTY-FIVE] Do you speak any other languages?Yes, quite a few, but only strong ones are Spanish and English.[TWENTY-SIX] Whats your favorite smell?The scent of a man, just out of the shower and working out just slightly with the hint of Curve still on his skin. mmmmmmmmm.[TWENTY-SEVEN] Describe your life?A series of ups and downs but not much sex. A life that examples could be made of, both good and bad.[TWENTY-EIGHT] Last time you were mad?Ummmm, hard to say.[TWENTY-NINE] Why are you still single?Because I've not much to offer but fun and personality.[THIRTY] Have you ever kissed in the rain?Always wanted to[THIRTY-ONE] Do you like the rain?Extremely[THIRTY-TWO] What are you thinking about right now?Kissing in the rain.[THIRTY-THREE] What should you be doing right now?Preparing for my job interview[THIRTY-FOUR] What's your favorite memory?Any and all family Gatherings[THIRTY-FIVE] What are you listening to?Some John Mayer because he makes me effing horny and he dumped Jenn to be with me[THIRTY-SIX] Where would you like to live?Not in this country.[THIRTY-SEVEN] Who was the last person you yelled at?Honey, I don't yell.[THIRTY-EIGHT] Do you act differently around the person you like?Yes, weirdly, I'm much more open and just excitable and like just hyper hyper hyper[THIRTY-NINE] What's your natural hair color?Red[FORTY] Who is the last person that made you smile?Joshua
Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina. After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually driven as I am now. Ever. Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal. I started with thinking that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin