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Be a Simple Kind of मन
Current mood: busy
Category: Life


I'm just wanting to blog a very quick blog. So, don't look for much depth in this one my friends.

My soul is kinda sad right now. I'm trying to get inspired and all that, but I'm just not in the right kind of mind right now. I'm not able to see that light in the sky.

I'm not wanting to post just a general "I'm sad but I can't tell you why" blog. I have some clarity. Well, 25% anyways. The rest I'm still working through.

A question I'm asking myself is am I a homophobe. Yeah, that's way out of left field, I know. But help me work through this. I'm a very active person in the community when it comes to protecting our rights and our image. I have many Lesbian friends and all that. But, well, I really really really really really really have a problem with getting along with my gay male counterparts out there.

It's a struggle to even expose myself in this manner, but I will in hopes of getting better clarity.

I've had lesbian friends for as long as I've been alive. I'm often called a (I hate this term, but for the sake of total disclosure) "butchdyke" . I could see how I am sometimes. I'm not like the gay guys I know. I'm very different within the difference of being gay period. But, I've always been able to step outside myself when it comes to being friendly with people who are different from me. So, why do I struggle with this when it comes to gay males?

I often see myself being approached by these (forgive) skinney bitches and I'm so like, ugh, get away from me. That's disturbing on many levels. I fight so hard for us to be accepted and to be present. Gay, lesbian, transgendered. All of us. So, why do I feel this way when I see them. It's not jeolousy as I've discovered. To be a proud out gay person is to accept who you are, and I've had a very hard road to loving myself, but for the first time in my life I can honestly say that I do love myself. So, that's not the case. I do not wish harm to gay males. Hell, I want to marry one of them. So, what gives?

How can I be a true activist to the gay community and go around with these feelings in my head?

I'll explore these questions more later. For now I'm gonna go be around people.
Currently listening : Lynyrd Skynyrd - All Time Greatest Hits By Lynyrd Skynyrd Release date: 2000-03-14

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