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So, I'm actually in a murderous mood. Okay, I had /have a boyfriend now. This guy took me out last week and showed me a really nice time. Though he's not much to look at, everyone knows I would date a troll if he or she had personality. SO, things are going well, and I am getting ready to go to my Vegas trip that Shawna, Aaron, Justin, and I had planned months ago. Well, Raymond, my boyfriend, gets all puffy. Pissed off and possesive and we've only been officall for a week. So, I go to Vegas anyways, and Raymond calls and leave a crazy message on the service at the Hotel saying " Yeah, I'm here alone and you're most likely fucking Aaron again. But I know how important your first was to you" WTF! So, I get back to Indy and I totally cursed him out and yelled and cried because Raymond was such a really nice guy before all this and I just don't know what the big friggen ideal is. What I didn't tell Raymond is that , yes, Aaron and I shared a bed in Vegas, but that's it.

Anyways, whatever to him. I dunno if we are still dating or not. Oh well. The Vegas trip was great in spite of that B/S. I was playing with $800 and I only lost $136.25, which is good on Vegas standards. Yay! we had a great room at the MGM Grand. COst us a bitch, but Shawna, Aaron, and I had been saving up for it. Justin, Shawna's current boytoy, helped us out. He paid 50% which was way nice.

So, Kerra has been down right evil to me. I don't know why, but yeah. I think it is most likely because she's falling more in love with Jason and she needs to push me away now. There were some very interesting things that happened between us. She poured her heart out to me one night while she was drunk and mad at Jason, and I totally pushed her away. I never understood why it takes a girl to either be pissed off at her boyfriend or to be drunk ( Or in Kera's case, the combination of both) to profess their love to me. Ugh. So, yeah, I should become a serial killer. No one loves me, and I'm anti social, so yeah, I'm now Charles Manson

It's so weird, because right now I am feeling so much darkness in my heart. I hate feeling this way, and it's not really because I lost my stupid boyfriend, or that my best friend is being a total diva twords me, or the fact that I'm exercising everyday and eating every other day and not loosing a pound, or any of that. It's just, I dunno, I feel so dark right now. I don't see beauty in everything like I used to. I just want someone I can run to and cry and just don't talk or look at each other, or ask each other's names. I just want to get lost in a world that is not my own. This is not me saying I'm going to commit suicide, but, maybe I just want to die.

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