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As time goes by

 Another year of death. That's what this is amounting to. 

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Such a Lonely day & Its mine

 You know it has always been my philosophy to celebrate Valentine's Day. I celebrate it every year even though I've only been coupled on a Valentine's Day once in my life. Today was weird. As I work today there were a lot of couples and a lot of people singles that is buying different things for tomorrow. I don't know maybe it's just the whole virus and lack of any social interaction but I got kind of sad about it. Guess I'll be all right. Just a momentary lapse. Happy about Valentine's Day and the fact that it is a celebration of love. What I really want is for it to be a day of Hope for those without a partner. I'm still working hard on my goals. I'm trying to work out exactly how to get this Tommy's show together. Also working hard on financial stuff. It is a process. As you can see I'm at least updating my blog. I don't have much to say. But the point is just to get something out there. It sucks that that nasty orange cheese doodle wi
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Mountains

  It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina  I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment  to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure  of business,  taking care of an elderly  paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally  and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity  popped up for me to go and I did.  Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive  person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself.  I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings .  I looked out onto the greatness  of this land and the beauty  it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. I have not done a 23 and me or an ansestory  dot com thing yet bu
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Romantic Life

 Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina.  After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina  I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually  driven as I am now. Ever.  Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment  was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal.  I started  with thinking  that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin
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