An Important Shift

Current mood: drained

Category: Life

My bitter sweet song is now going to begin.

Let's get the major stuff out of the way. This is sorta major. (Dramatic Pause) I may be moving to Georgia my friends. The last few months are so I've had to think long and hard about the a lot of things in my life. My resources here, in Indy, have run very very dry. Then, a trip to Georgia Was brought up and a light bulb went off. It may be best if I move back to Georgia for a while to sort myself and my money out. I could use a nice five year break from the hassle of life up here in Indy. The nagging thing in the back of my head though is church. There is no Jesus Metropolitan Community Church down in my little town in Georgia, nor is there any gay people or people I can relate to. Yes, it's a time to focus on reassigning my life to a better position, but I think it may be a little too much. We are heading out Monday and while there, I will be deciding if I am staying or not.

I'm surprised that a paragraph is the only thing I have to saying about it being that I've thought sooo much about it over the last week. My niece is also claiming she is going down there to stay. I don't think that will happen. She's too much like I used to be at her age. A small town does not work well for we people with the biggest personalities in the world.

Next, I just want to say that I thought I had a serious thing going on with this guy that I guess will end depending on what I decide. It's been 10 days since we shagged. Wow, that's too honest. Anyways, it was moving in the right direction, and him and I shagged (Something I really really needed) . Now, it's like, man, I have to leave town. I didn't have any time to even discover what it could be. I've not asked if it's ok to speak of him in my journal, so I'll just call him J. He's such a great guy and soooo quiet. I think you'll love him. But I'm going to just drop it. I'm supposed to see him later tonight. It'll be more interesting what happens and I'll have lots to say on it after we get down to Georgia.

Speaking of not getting permission to talk about friend's lives in my journal, I would just like to put this out there. To my friend's mother, Angie, I want to say you are the lousiest mother in the world for treating my beautiful friend like total shit! I'm not going to mention my friend's name because she's so undeserving of the fact that she has the crappiest mother in the world, but she knows who I'm talking about. I don't understand how some parents can treat their children like utter shit. And it is just that much worst that the one she's treating like shit is one of the most beautiful respectful giving loving people I've ever meet. It's Jealousy, plain and simple. I can not tell you how much I dislike this mother, if you can even call her a mother. I have a real mother who yes, gets on my nerves sometime as alll mothers sometimes do, but you know, I can honestly say I love my mother and appreciate the things she has provided for me. But Angie, she is just a horror of a person for the way she has mistreated all of her children. I hope that this woman wakes up and appreciate of much beauty did come from someone as disgraceful and ugly as she. That's not appearance wise. Her soul right now is ugly and it's been ugly for a very long time. I pray that somehow God will cleanse her and make her at least a halfway decent person.

Ok, I'm calming down now. It's tuff watching and hearing about the things that your friends are going through. But I tell you, it jolts me sometimes to get a grip and realize how lucky I am. I thank God for that everyday. Thank you so much for all you've given me and allowed me to have and provide for myself.

I want to stop this blog, because I want to post my Brett song that just makes me think of all this stuff.

Brett Dennen... There is so much more.

"There Is So Much More" When I heard the news My heart fell on the floor I was on a plane on my way to Baltimore In these troubled times its hard enough as it is My soul has known a better life than this I wondered how so many could be in so much pain While others don't seem to feel a thing Then I curse my wiseness and I get so damned depressed In a world of suffering why should I be so blessed I heard about a woman who lives in Colorado She built a monument of sorts behind her garage door Where everyday she prays for all whom are born and all whose souls have passed on Sometimes my trouble gets so thick I can't see how I'm going to get through it But then I would rather be stuck up in a tree Than be tied to it Do do do do do I know There is so much more I don't feel comfortable with the way my clothes fit I can't get used to my body's limits I got some fancy shoes to try and kick away these blues They cost a lot of money but they aren't worth a thing I want to free my feet from the broken glass and concrete I need to get out of this city Lay upon the ground and stare a hole in the sky Wondering where I go when I die When I die

Ok, I will update soon for I have much more to say but finding it not so easy to say it. Love you all.
Currently listening : So Much More By Brett Dennen Release date: 2006-11-21