So, I'm totally pissed because I did a blogger and got to the end of it (It was a long one too) and the damn thing fucked up at the last moment and nothing was published. So I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "Geezus Crap holy as if fuck shit damnit!" So, right now I don't want to really type anything. Okay, so this will be short. Andrew and I talked twice since the big "break up". The first time he spent the time saying sorry, and how happy we both will be, then the second time, I told him I found someone named Ricky, which is actually just a friend of mine that is half hispanic and half europian, like Andrew. I told Andrew that Ricky and I are thinking of loosing our gay virginity together and Andrew got really pissed, so he left. And I was like, sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So mean, I know, but that bastard hurt me. And no, I'm not really dating Ricky. He's one of those guys that look so damn good, but lacks in, um, personality and an I.Q. . So, it's not like I would ever go out with him. Besides, I'm still too hurt. Geezus! Anyways, Shawnia called me to yet again beg me to come to California with her on her modeling thingy. "Come on Fairy Queen. There are hot guys out there. Enough for both of us" and it's like ugh! But, anyways, I am going to go. Watching ER and waiting for Rosie to get online so I can flirt with her. See you all later.
Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina. After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually driven as I am now. Ever. Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal. I started with thinking that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually frustrated waiting for somethin