Life's TRUE Journey

 Let's back track to my trip to North Carolina.  After nearly loosing my entire self I set out to discover and do something different. I was so tired and so alone. While down in North Carolina  I redownload one of those gay chat apps because I was bored . Needless to say horny as well, but that's just my entire being. Btw, when they tell you that your sex drive does down as you get older, they're a damn lie. I've never felt as sexually  driven as I am now. Ever.  Back ti the point, I was feeling all kind of things while trying to figure out what exactly I need to help myself. One experiment  was to just stop beating up in myself and not put sexuality on such a high pedestal.  I started  with thinking  that sex was special and reserved for when you meet that special someone and then you open up and then bam. Never been one of the casual sex scene. But my mind at the time was I am never going to find that someone so no use in being sexually fru...

  It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina  I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment  to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure  of business,  taking care of an elderly  paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally  and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity  popped up for me to go and I did.  Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive  person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself.  I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings .  I looked out onto the greatness  of this land and the beauty  it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...

 Hey people. What's in the Tommy Times today? So the last couple weeks my BFF Jim has been in town ( He retired and moved to Illinois in july). Was rather upset with him because it was like he was here for so long and wanted to wait until the last days of his visit to actually visit with me. If anything  I have been learn is never put off what you can do today Till an unpromised  tomorrow.  Thought he would have learned that but no.  Guess i just took it way too personal. I mean if I were in town the first thing I'd do is visit the people who I care about the most.  Well we spent time together yesterday. Though hurt by it, I figured I wont be too huffy about it. We spent a little time talking about it but moved on to just being happy with conversation.   I love that man. He has been with me for 13+ years. Listening to all the crap I have to say and through life events. We understand one another like others dont. Ewww sounds too romantical. Lol. Pe...

  Well, my friends I need to do better about blogging. Journaling my life should happen at least every other day. I'm going to make an effort to do so.  I think I've been overthinking it. I read some of my old stuff and it was just me jotting down a few things and some random stuff. It was fun reading some of those. So I'm just going to be loose again . I don't need to write 100 paragraphs everytime. Also bringing  back the In other News section. Yay.  So quick what's happening. My church is opening back up slowly. Excited! I have been suffering  since it shut down due to the Coronapocalypse ( ®️ tommydimera.com ) . Yep I just drop a Tommyism on your candy asses. ❤ I have been down lately. this isolation from the world due to Coronapocalypse  has taught me how much I'm not an introvert  no matter how much I thought I was. I cant seem to find a lover / husband in this shit of a world so I guess I relied on other people to fill that void.  Well I go...

 I have many questions to which I do not have answers.   What am I doing here is a big one. To be quite honest I do not want to be here. This is an entry about a boy that I love, have loved , and am cursed to forever love.  This boy has been the love of my life. More than my husband i sometimes fictionalize to be more of a connection for me than is reality. More than my ex fiance  who was able to distract me momentarily  from my love for this boy. More so than any lover I've ever had in my life.  It's always come back to him. And I sit so often thinking if him. About 4 years ago I removed him from my life as much as I could. Took him fro. My social media pages, removed his number from my phone. But my soul and heart know I can not erase him. The memories of hours long conversations  when i hate talking on the phone. But with him i did it with joy. The references and conversations that only him and I get. The closeness  . The bond of our heart...

 You know that episode  of Buffy. Anya's  debuted. When Giles  get her amulet and about to destroy it. Then she says "you fool what makes you think the other universe  Is better than this one?" Then he says " it has to be" then smashed the amulet  bringing  them to the other realitythis reality is not what it's supposed to be.  I use abstract  things to explain how I feel because honestly  a word has not been invented for how I feel. I do not like living in this reality. People being killed as if they do not matter, kids and families  being put in cages and separated as if they dont matter, women the beautiful bringers of the future generations being dogged out and treated as they dont matter. What is this reality? What have we become?  Can the good in this reality overcome  the evil? I've always been enthusiastic  in saying yes. But as you grow older and you keep fighting the same battles and your armor is weak, you ...

So as I rediscovered this blog I of course had to look back at some of the posts that I've made in the past. I think that I am rather hard on myself. I'm speaking of me looking back at myself those years ago. What I wrote and how I wrote it. I Add what I fail to realize is I was a kid. I'm sitting here being disgusted by some of the things that I wrote but I have to remind myself that I was just a kid. We all have to grow we all have to mature. And my heart breaks a little. To see some of the hurt that I inflicted on others but also on myself. I was but a kid.  So how does one get back to being a stable sturdy impassioned philosophical writer. How do I get to a place where I can write paragraphs and words and have them Inspire others. To convey what is going on in my life in a way that shows ultimate hope. Cuz that's who I am now. I will never give up hope on finding true love and peace and prosperity. I'm finished looking back. I know some will want to see who I wa...

It seems like everything that could have went wrong today did.  Had one client today. I think I did not give her a good experience.  Was grocery  shopping on behalf  of Instacart  today, and the store assigned was lacking a lot of things for her order. I kept in contact . Her and I got some acceptable replacements.  Fine.  When I went into the store  it was extremely  sunny with only a few Sirius clouds in the sky. So I crack my windows ever so slightly to try not to come back out to a totally steamed car. As i walk back out of course its storming with horizontal rain. The inside of my car got it good, along with clients groceries  , my client book. And my hair and clothes. Rushing back I slipped and hurt  my back even more than it already had been hurting.  So after just one client today I went home to dry off .  I wanted a drink so bad. But i made a choice not to drink. I do not have a problem with drinking but it's been...

Well well well. After so many years I am back to reclaim everything. I was able to recover this blog. Interesting  read up on myself. Who I was. Who I've become. Today I started setting up my business sites. Finished the face book page. Now the huge task of getting my website up and running. That's going to be huge. I have reclaimed my website tommydimera.com and also claimed my business  website tcdimeraservices.com The business front I'm coming on. Personal life? Lol. Wow, so much has happened since the last time I posted to this blog. So as i go about life and keep up to date with things going on, i will visit the past and add some descriptions  if needed. Other than that, I will live more in present day and building my future. Love you.