I was worried about my mom, so I played scramble with her. She beat me twice in a row. Total bummer. After my dad died, she gets this moods. She's better now. Thanks for worrying. . She gets in a bad mood because she has very low self esteem. I mean, it's totally oppisite of me. I love everything about me. I'm perfect to me. I wish there was a way to make her like herself. I wish there was a way to make everyone like themselves. Like my friend Rosie. She's an online best friend. She is always saying how depressed she gets sometimes when she feels fat or something. OMG, hello, who wants a stick. Not that way Rosie if you are reading this. And my other online friend, Cynthia. All the time, she goes, "Oh, I'm fat and ugly. YOu wouldn't want me" As If. Ladies, get a grip. You are all beautiful, including you mom. Ughhhhhhhh
It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure of business, taking care of an elderly paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity popped up for me to go and I did. Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself. I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings . I looked out onto the greatness of this land and the beauty it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...