I think I gave way too many people this web address. Now that I think about it, I really don't want you all to know my thoughts and my life. But, oh well.Here is something I have thought about in the last 20 minutes. I was thinking how much better it would be if I were dead. No, I mean, somewhere between high school (My senior year just ended June 2nd) and now, I have lost myself. The future looks bad for me. I worked hard for popularity in high school. To tell you the truth, I was a major dork in Middle school, But high School I made a plan to change that and be very popular and respected and that's what I did. But it took a lot of effort and now that it's over, I feel so lost and depressed. YOu loose contact with 50% of your friends who made you who you are. You have to Be just another number in society without being known. Everyday I walked thru the halls in High school, people would say, "Yeah, that's Tommy D. We all know his story" NOw, There aren't even hellos from the people in the world today. Everytime I walked down the hall in high school, there was, "Tommy!!!!" "Hey Tommy Boy" "What's up tommy". Now, there are nods at my job and nods from my neighboors. An empty gester that takes no effort, thought, or control. And I miss it a lot. Really, I miss a lot of things.
It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure of business, taking care of an elderly paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity popped up for me to go and I did. Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself. I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings . I looked out onto the greatness of this land and the beauty it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...