Discovering and रेदिस्कोवेरिंग
। Current mood: pretty
Category:
Life
Hello my people and my fans . lol. I'm justr gitty today with so many things to talk about. I just want to quickly share.
Alejandro: The love of my past life has finally come to me for help with his addiction to booze. This is a major milestone!!! He currently lives in Boston and it is rather hard to help someone with a problem such as this in another state, but that sure as hell will not stop me from trying. I was so surprized when he called me that I basically just started to weep when I heard his voice. This , I feel, was a sign from God because in my disciplship classes we are learning and focusing on prayer and bring into it scriptures from the bible. We are to pick out a scripture at random and study and focus on it and ask God to enlighten us to it's meaning. Well, Thursday night, I randomly picked out Ephesians 5:1. To the end of the chapter and it starts to speak about not being drunk and stuff. So, I was thinking "I really don't drink that much. What the hell" So, I did another passage about a sacrafice to God friday night which I still don't know what that one was about. About an hour after I read it Friday, Alejandro called. It was so shocking it gave me chills. Esspecially during the conversation, he starts talking about needing help and he's tired of the addiction. This is what I've wanted for so long that it's crazy. Unfortunatly in the past he has said he was tired and needed help, but nothing came of it. I'm just hoping that this time it's serious. I don't know. I have faith that this time will be the last time.
Now, all of this brings up the obvious question to me at least. Am I now in love with him again. Do I still wish to be with him. Is this me handling unfinished business. I've done some soul searching on this front too and I can honestly say no. I've taken such a different path in life where I know I could never be with Alejandro again. Even if he changed his ways. I just cant. Now, if God were to force my arm in this, lol, I will have no choice, but I really believe we are no good to each other in a relationship. I do love him though. Never shall that not be true.
Public Transportation: Well, I have some interesting news. I've taken public Transportation the last week because number one, the gas prices are just crazy as hell and two, I need to grow the hell up. Allow me to explain. I used to take public trans when I was a teen with no car and a great need to get out. Then, I was just freaked out by the people on the bus. Please please remember that I'm not the same person I was in high school. I was a judgemental stuck up prick in High school. I hope that I've conveyed to you and the world that I'm nothing like that now. But, truth is, I was just that. The people on the bus made me ill just looking at them, and there I was with no option but to ride with these people. So, I got my car and I never looked back. Until recently that is. I have my dream car right now. It's not a lexus or a BMW or whatever luxury car is out there and I wouldn't trade my car for any of them. So, why would I make the choice to park Samuel (Yes, I named my car Samuel. Give $50 to the person who can tell me the name of my first car). Well, Gas prices, and I have listened to Al Gore too much. lol. I'm starting to "greeny" up my life. I speak of how beautiful nature is and all, but then I realize, I'm not doing enough to help keep it that way. So, I swollowed my pride and got my bum on the bus.
I came to realize that a portion of that jerk from high school was still in me, and I had to slay him. I got on, and I felt sooooooooo relaxed. I'm a stressy driver as it is. So, to have someone drive me, loving that. So, the people on the bus, I actually take it upon myself to talk to everyone. Yep, you heard me. I'm initiating conversations with people. With my Social Anxiety Disorder, I'm stricking up conversations!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. I shocked myself how quickly I got over that stupid complex about "bus people" and I'm now becoming one myself. I used to pay single fare, but now I'm getting day passes and I'm thinking of buying weekly passes. lol. Yeah, I'm enjoying it. What a gift it is to meet new people. I blame church!!!!! I'm becoming so much more of a open compassionate person through the teachings that I'm getting from my classes at church and my attendence to services. I'm just filled with such a love that it's crazy and now I'm starting to tear up like a little girl. lol.
I don't mean to go on about myself and sound conceited, but I'm so inspired by the person I've become from what I used to be just a year ago. I've found something that I know many people never even find in an entire lifetime. I've found it at 25. 25. A young age. How blessed am I. Ok, full on tears here. Hopefully someone out there is understanding how I feel. To let go of all the hate and anger and vengance and judgements and to just live to love and love to live. It's a feeling that I can't discribe and I can't even continue this blog. I will get myself together and write more later.
। Current mood: pretty
Category:
Life
Hello my people and my fans . lol. I'm justr gitty today with so many things to talk about. I just want to quickly share.
Alejandro: The love of my past life has finally come to me for help with his addiction to booze. This is a major milestone!!! He currently lives in Boston and it is rather hard to help someone with a problem such as this in another state, but that sure as hell will not stop me from trying. I was so surprized when he called me that I basically just started to weep when I heard his voice. This , I feel, was a sign from God because in my disciplship classes we are learning and focusing on prayer and bring into it scriptures from the bible. We are to pick out a scripture at random and study and focus on it and ask God to enlighten us to it's meaning. Well, Thursday night, I randomly picked out Ephesians 5:1. To the end of the chapter and it starts to speak about not being drunk and stuff. So, I was thinking "I really don't drink that much. What the hell" So, I did another passage about a sacrafice to God friday night which I still don't know what that one was about. About an hour after I read it Friday, Alejandro called. It was so shocking it gave me chills. Esspecially during the conversation, he starts talking about needing help and he's tired of the addiction. This is what I've wanted for so long that it's crazy. Unfortunatly in the past he has said he was tired and needed help, but nothing came of it. I'm just hoping that this time it's serious. I don't know. I have faith that this time will be the last time.
Now, all of this brings up the obvious question to me at least. Am I now in love with him again. Do I still wish to be with him. Is this me handling unfinished business. I've done some soul searching on this front too and I can honestly say no. I've taken such a different path in life where I know I could never be with Alejandro again. Even if he changed his ways. I just cant. Now, if God were to force my arm in this, lol, I will have no choice, but I really believe we are no good to each other in a relationship. I do love him though. Never shall that not be true.
Public Transportation: Well, I have some interesting news. I've taken public Transportation the last week because number one, the gas prices are just crazy as hell and two, I need to grow the hell up. Allow me to explain. I used to take public trans when I was a teen with no car and a great need to get out. Then, I was just freaked out by the people on the bus. Please please remember that I'm not the same person I was in high school. I was a judgemental stuck up prick in High school. I hope that I've conveyed to you and the world that I'm nothing like that now. But, truth is, I was just that. The people on the bus made me ill just looking at them, and there I was with no option but to ride with these people. So, I got my car and I never looked back. Until recently that is. I have my dream car right now. It's not a lexus or a BMW or whatever luxury car is out there and I wouldn't trade my car for any of them. So, why would I make the choice to park Samuel (Yes, I named my car Samuel. Give $50 to the person who can tell me the name of my first car). Well, Gas prices, and I have listened to Al Gore too much. lol. I'm starting to "greeny" up my life. I speak of how beautiful nature is and all, but then I realize, I'm not doing enough to help keep it that way. So, I swollowed my pride and got my bum on the bus.
I came to realize that a portion of that jerk from high school was still in me, and I had to slay him. I got on, and I felt sooooooooo relaxed. I'm a stressy driver as it is. So, to have someone drive me, loving that. So, the people on the bus, I actually take it upon myself to talk to everyone. Yep, you heard me. I'm initiating conversations with people. With my Social Anxiety Disorder, I'm stricking up conversations!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. I shocked myself how quickly I got over that stupid complex about "bus people" and I'm now becoming one myself. I used to pay single fare, but now I'm getting day passes and I'm thinking of buying weekly passes. lol. Yeah, I'm enjoying it. What a gift it is to meet new people. I blame church!!!!! I'm becoming so much more of a open compassionate person through the teachings that I'm getting from my classes at church and my attendence to services. I'm just filled with such a love that it's crazy and now I'm starting to tear up like a little girl. lol.
I don't mean to go on about myself and sound conceited, but I'm so inspired by the person I've become from what I used to be just a year ago. I've found something that I know many people never even find in an entire lifetime. I've found it at 25. 25. A young age. How blessed am I. Ok, full on tears here. Hopefully someone out there is understanding how I feel. To let go of all the hate and anger and vengance and judgements and to just live to love and love to live. It's a feeling that I can't discribe and I can't even continue this blog. I will get myself together and write more later.