So, I'm totally pissed because I did a blogger and got to the end of it (It was a long one too) and the damn thing fucked up at the last moment and nothing was published. So I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "Geezus Crap holy as if fuck shit damnit!" So, right now I don't want to really type anything. Okay, so this will be short. Andrew and I talked twice since the big "break up". The first time he spent the time saying sorry, and how happy we both will be, then the second time, I told him I found someone named Ricky, which is actually just a friend of mine that is half hispanic and half europian, like Andrew. I told Andrew that Ricky and I are thinking of loosing our gay virginity together and Andrew got really pissed, so he left. And I was like, sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So mean, I know, but that bastard hurt me. And no, I'm not really dating Ricky. He's one of those guys that look so damn good, but lacks in, um, personality and an I.Q. . So, it's not like I would ever go out with him. Besides, I'm still too hurt. Geezus! Anyways, Shawnia called me to yet again beg me to come to California with her on her modeling thingy. "Come on Fairy Queen. There are hot guys out there. Enough for both of us" and it's like ugh! But, anyways, I am going to go. Watching ER and waiting for Rosie to get online so I can flirt with her. See you all later.
Ok, crying again. Depression is so stupid it sucks. Yeah, today, though, for a change, it's not about Aaron. But now I'm crying because I mentioned his name. But, the initial crying is because of Andrew Andrew Andrew H H H. God is very cruel to me, I'm thinking right now. Okay, I'm really crying right now and can;t see the screen. I don't understand why God made me love, I mean geinuenly love someone I could never have and it's just I don't understand why my heart is somewhere it doesn't belong. it's fucking insane. I'm so sic of feeling like I not going to be happy because of stupid little shit that shouldn't even be a fucking factor. God is suppiosed to be love. and love is supposed to besomething not easy to come by, but somehat that is obtainable. Why is it not for me. Why and I so fucking destined to be alone for my life. I want someone to fucking share this journey and I pled and I pray everyday. I follow the rules of ...