So, I'm totally pissed because I did a blogger and got to the end of it (It was a long one too) and the damn thing fucked up at the last moment and nothing was published. So I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "Geezus Crap holy as if fuck shit damnit!" So, right now I don't want to really type anything. Okay, so this will be short. Andrew and I talked twice since the big "break up". The first time he spent the time saying sorry, and how happy we both will be, then the second time, I told him I found someone named Ricky, which is actually just a friend of mine that is half hispanic and half europian, like Andrew. I told Andrew that Ricky and I are thinking of loosing our gay virginity together and Andrew got really pissed, so he left. And I was like, sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So mean, I know, but that bastard hurt me. And no, I'm not really dating Ricky. He's one of those guys that look so damn good, but lacks in, um, personality and an I.Q. . So, it's not like I would ever go out with him. Besides, I'm still too hurt. Geezus! Anyways, Shawnia called me to yet again beg me to come to California with her on her modeling thingy. "Come on Fairy Queen. There are hot guys out there. Enough for both of us" and it's like ugh! But, anyways, I am going to go. Watching ER and waiting for Rosie to get online so I can flirt with her. See you all later.
It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure of business, taking care of an elderly paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity popped up for me to go and I did. Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself. I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings . I looked out onto the greatness of this land and the beauty it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...