I've had the Flu for about a week, so I haven't been able to really concentrate on writting in here. But I'm back. Todays worry is about getting old. I'll tell you what brought this on. A good internet friend of mine asked me to call him. Well, I didn't call but I did do this voice thingy with MSN messenger. So, I said hello to him and he started telling me that I sound like an old person. This, of course, hurt my feelings because everything hurts my feelings. Then, later that same day, Doug called me ugly. Well, we were playing around, I said to him, "God your a stupid booze drinking small dick loser" and then he in turn said, "You're a ugly 50 cent slut" and I took it to heart. God, I'm so stupid sometimes. I went and cried. I think I need some anti-depressants. I think I'm in depression but I don't know. I still have a totally high self esteem, and I like to get out and all that. It's that I'm way more emothinal now. Anyways, blah blah. Gotta get up early tomorrow. I hate a date. Yahoooooo. Tell you about it in two days.
It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure of business, taking care of an elderly paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity popped up for me to go and I did. Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself. I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings . I looked out onto the greatness of this land and the beauty it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...