as promised, here is a little bloggy for you bitches!
LOL. So, revelation time. I've been kinda of sad recently at the server downturns in my life recently. I mean, I try very hard to keep up the spirit and I've done a good job at that. I've managed to be patient and see where in the hell God is taking me and I've had lot of learning experiences. So, I did something last night that Kept me up until about 7 this morning. I went on a voyage through a big section of my life; HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a certain box in my room filled with every single letter wrote to me and a few that I wrote made copies of or did not send. Also in it is a lot of just stuff from high school, including videos that I made back then. So, I opened it and went back to rediscover Thomas Williams DiMera.
It was really eye opening. Back then, i was any typical school student, but meagerly different. I was the least popular kid in middle school then in High school, there were few that didn't know my name. I was bored with life and just jumping at the chance to get away from it all. But the thing is that life was perfect back then in a strange way. Especially compared to some things in my life now. I tend to wish I could go back to that time and be the same person I am today, but just live my life differently.
I was a kid that no one got but a few, yet I was adored. I could easily have friends that were Preps, Goths, Geeks, nerds, Jock, etc. I had the best of all worlds. In some instances I recalled how I was not the nicest person around, but I could be a great friend to have.
As I journey through my memories, I come to realize why I've not found my soul mate yet. Well, hear me out. It's just a stupid theory, but one I did explore last night / this morning.
I think I used up all my chances. I feel I already meet my soul mates. Yes, I said Mates. Two people who couldn't be more different than one another, yet are so much the same. One, Shawn Brown who was a neighbor and school mate. I recalled the nights when we would just hang out and talk about so many things. Nothing ever happened with him because his journey wasn't there yet, but I could see how I was so falling in love with him and not even I knew it. He was the perfect compliment to my personality. He was the most level headed strong willed determined person I knew. He had so many ideas on life that hardly anyone else got to see. It was amazing when he would open up to me about what he was feeling. Maybe this can be explained in some psychological terminology, but I don't know what it is. Maybe a longing for the past.... an easier life with nothing to loose and a whole life ahead of me. But never did I feel as safe and as close to anyone but when I was with Shawn.
the second person is the one I was really gaga over. LOL. Shawn, being a jock in many ways was my heart, but Brian Wooodard was my mind! lol. He was a gianormous nerd and he was every bit the guy I envision my soul mate of being. Shawn was the first born aggressor, and Brian was the only child Stingger. Don't think that I can explain that, because I can't. Brian inspired me. He was what I wanted to be. He was sooooo very smart. I became a constant pest to him, but I just got a high off of him that I can never explain. I knew whenever he would come around, I'd get a special feeling. lol. I sound like a damn school girl. But, yeah, it was weird. My friends mainly consisted of the Preppies during the height of High school, but Brian was my escape. When he did let me inside (which, lets face it , was as rare as a White elk) I was on a whole other level in life. A constant pest I was, I would always want more and more, till Brian would just cut it off. I wasn't part of his group and he wasn't into me. I recall hearing, almost on a daily bases, "Thomas, ew, vomit!" It was his favorite expression for me. Especially those days when I would be so bold as to tell him I loved him.
With Shawn I was relaxed and at ease and able to be me. With Brian I was able to be electrified and challenged become a better me. So, I tell these stories in relation to my life now. The boys who were my destiny were never able to be more than just friends. I think this was God's little "Haha Asshole. Now get on with my work" . I know I will get a lot of shit from a certain number of my friends about my admitting to the two true loves of my life in High School, but oh well. If I had it all to do again, I think I would be the person I am today and say what I always wanted to say to these two. I know that my chances of them reciprocating the feels would be about .5% , but I would have been able to articulate and tell them how I was feeling. That would have been enough for me.
Now, to present day, someone find me a Shawn Brown / Brian Woodard mix and I will be in lover's heaven. lol. Oh well, it's a nice dream anyway's.
I will be blogging again maybe the beginning of next week with more revolutions. I've been restored now and I think I'm able to better put into words some of the things I am feeling. Sometimes traveling back to the past can be a good thing as long as you remember to come back to the present and plan for the future.
I love you all. God bless.
LOL. So, revelation time. I've been kinda of sad recently at the server downturns in my life recently. I mean, I try very hard to keep up the spirit and I've done a good job at that. I've managed to be patient and see where in the hell God is taking me and I've had lot of learning experiences. So, I did something last night that Kept me up until about 7 this morning. I went on a voyage through a big section of my life; HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a certain box in my room filled with every single letter wrote to me and a few that I wrote made copies of or did not send. Also in it is a lot of just stuff from high school, including videos that I made back then. So, I opened it and went back to rediscover Thomas Williams DiMera.
It was really eye opening. Back then, i was any typical school student, but meagerly different. I was the least popular kid in middle school then in High school, there were few that didn't know my name. I was bored with life and just jumping at the chance to get away from it all. But the thing is that life was perfect back then in a strange way. Especially compared to some things in my life now. I tend to wish I could go back to that time and be the same person I am today, but just live my life differently.
I was a kid that no one got but a few, yet I was adored. I could easily have friends that were Preps, Goths, Geeks, nerds, Jock, etc. I had the best of all worlds. In some instances I recalled how I was not the nicest person around, but I could be a great friend to have.
As I journey through my memories, I come to realize why I've not found my soul mate yet. Well, hear me out. It's just a stupid theory, but one I did explore last night / this morning.
I think I used up all my chances. I feel I already meet my soul mates. Yes, I said Mates. Two people who couldn't be more different than one another, yet are so much the same. One, Shawn Brown who was a neighbor and school mate. I recalled the nights when we would just hang out and talk about so many things. Nothing ever happened with him because his journey wasn't there yet, but I could see how I was so falling in love with him and not even I knew it. He was the perfect compliment to my personality. He was the most level headed strong willed determined person I knew. He had so many ideas on life that hardly anyone else got to see. It was amazing when he would open up to me about what he was feeling. Maybe this can be explained in some psychological terminology, but I don't know what it is. Maybe a longing for the past.... an easier life with nothing to loose and a whole life ahead of me. But never did I feel as safe and as close to anyone but when I was with Shawn.
the second person is the one I was really gaga over. LOL. Shawn, being a jock in many ways was my heart, but Brian Wooodard was my mind! lol. He was a gianormous nerd and he was every bit the guy I envision my soul mate of being. Shawn was the first born aggressor, and Brian was the only child Stingger. Don't think that I can explain that, because I can't. Brian inspired me. He was what I wanted to be. He was sooooo very smart. I became a constant pest to him, but I just got a high off of him that I can never explain. I knew whenever he would come around, I'd get a special feeling. lol. I sound like a damn school girl. But, yeah, it was weird. My friends mainly consisted of the Preppies during the height of High school, but Brian was my escape. When he did let me inside (which, lets face it , was as rare as a White elk) I was on a whole other level in life. A constant pest I was, I would always want more and more, till Brian would just cut it off. I wasn't part of his group and he wasn't into me. I recall hearing, almost on a daily bases, "Thomas, ew, vomit!" It was his favorite expression for me. Especially those days when I would be so bold as to tell him I loved him.
With Shawn I was relaxed and at ease and able to be me. With Brian I was able to be electrified and challenged become a better me. So, I tell these stories in relation to my life now. The boys who were my destiny were never able to be more than just friends. I think this was God's little "Haha Asshole. Now get on with my work" . I know I will get a lot of shit from a certain number of my friends about my admitting to the two true loves of my life in High School, but oh well. If I had it all to do again, I think I would be the person I am today and say what I always wanted to say to these two. I know that my chances of them reciprocating the feels would be about .5% , but I would have been able to articulate and tell them how I was feeling. That would have been enough for me.
Now, to present day, someone find me a Shawn Brown / Brian Woodard mix and I will be in lover's heaven. lol. Oh well, it's a nice dream anyway's.
I will be blogging again maybe the beginning of next week with more revolutions. I've been restored now and I think I'm able to better put into words some of the things I am feeling. Sometimes traveling back to the past can be a good thing as long as you remember to come back to the present and plan for the future.
I love you all. God bless.