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Bad Days Suck
Current mood: rejected
Category: Life

Hey Folks.


Just wanted to blog and see if it would help me feel better today. Maybe because it's raining or whatever, but I'm having one of those shitty days where I don't feel good about myself and people annoy me.

Poor Justin Dustin was a victim of that today. He was talking about my previous journal entry, and he said i painted him out to be a bad guy. I let him no that no one even mentioned anything like that and that he was just stupid.

Then my mother got on my nerves. I'm just trying to cook me something to eat and she comes around just asking all these questions and I'm like, really not in the mood to talk. I just want to get something to eat and whatever. I tried to just have a little peace and tim to myself. But then she gets emotional because i'm not uppy and happy and wanting to envoke conversation.

Then, just stupid shit got to me today. On the shuttle bus to and from work no one sat next to me. Silly, I know, but for some reason that bothered me. I felt ugly.

My Hair was a mess today and my clothes didn't feel comfortable to me. Everyday I try to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I'm beautiful. But today, I couldn't. I seen every bump on my face. I seen every little defect and I just got more crappy.

I have confidence in mysef, but today is a day I just feel like the ugliest person in the world. This then affects how I feel on the inside too. i am thinking to myself how pitiful I've been recently. How I've not really been voleenterring for many things. How I'm becoming more closed off from people again. That social anxiaty coming back. then the envy and anger i have for people who are able to be social. Telling the truth here, whenever I see a couple or a pair of friends, i think the only reason i don't have that is because i'm an average looking overweight fag. And i despise THEM for that. I have been doing a great job surpressing that way of thinking, but today i felt that way. I'm about to get on my knees and pray about this after i finish this blog. Prayer sometimes help with these things.

At this very moment, i fear that people will read this blog and feel freaked out by me and not want to be my friend In a way, i want that and fear it at the same time. So i can have a good excuse to feel like i do today.

So, hopefully this funk will pass. I've taken a few sleeping pill so i can rest and hopefully wake up refreshed again. Ugh. In my heart i know this is just a phase, but i just feel it so strongly. Sucks.


Currently listening : Gimme More By Britney Spears Release date: 09 October, 2007

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