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Well, allow me to finish up. i thought it would be saturday but I'll go ahead and finish up to my earlier post.

Mommy Dearest: My mother's health has not been the best in recent months. Her Doctor is a stupid piece of shit and I keep urging her to change, but mothers never listen to their sons. So, she's had this very bad cough for a while now and she's been to that clown a lot. Sometimes he would not even be there, and then, when he is there, he gives the impression that the stuff my mom has been going thru is exagerated. I finally went in with her on one of her visit to this quack and I took the role as the concerned parent. I asked him 2000 questions and demanded that he listen to my mother. it's not asthma. She's had this feeling like there's something in her chest area. So, anyways, they final run some real test and the next thing I know, they think she may have some form of luekemia because some test showed imornality with her Lempht Nodes. My mother, always the optimist, continues to include in EVERY SINGLE conversation with me that she's going to be dieing soon. I'm trying to stay strong for her and try to keep her morale up, but I'm rather scared myself. I been having dreams recently of her dieing, so all this stuff comes up now. We are awaiting more test and test results. I don't want to loose my mom. I don't think my mom has had the chance to live. She rarely does anything that makes her happy, and I want her to live her life. With this cloud luming over, my mother has already given up. She's convinced this is it, and it's hurting me so much. God forgive me, but I was looking at her the other day and saying to myself "Please lord, do not ever turn me into her. She has hardly any joy in her life and at the first hurtle, she's given up on trying to have that joy". How can I help her? I don't know. I try to get her to do things, but she refuses. I try to include myself in things that would make her happy, but who wins in that situation?

Turning to the Past: It's been a pattern that when I have a lot of weight on my shoulders, I turn to the people in "my past". Up this time around is Kevin. I don't think that we haven't talked a day after all that happened at pride. Everyday we speak on the phone and just trade stories. I miss him so much, in all honesty. I finally got to speak to MARKO . Yeah, well, anyways. lol. Kevin and family have decided to stay in California instead of moving out to Hawaii. he's planning a visit back to Indy in December. It would feel so great to be in his arms again. I'm not talking as boyfriends, but you know. He was the love of my life and we both know it. I honestly think that if I were to move to California, Marko would be a distant memory in Kevin's mind. Kevin and I stayed up late one night just talking about everything and I heard Marko come in and Kevin told him that he was busy talking to me and that he'd be in to bed in a minute. About an hour later, Kevin finally got off the phone with me.

www.tommydimera.com: So, my dear website is so out of date. That's a goal I guess. Man, I update my myspace regualary, which is a free service. I pay money for my website and yet I have not updated in so long, it's pitiful. I will get it together though. I will give it two months, because there's a lot of things I gotta change on there. I still think it's hot. lol.

Well, I'm gonna get to bed now so I can get up and take a nap. Listen, everyone, I love you all and seriously for all of you who take the time to read and send me emails, or messages or even take time to comment on either of my three blogs, I want to send a very heart filled thank you. Just thank you for take the time to , well, care. God bless you all.

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