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Mood: Chillin'
Music: Lean Wit it. Franchise Boyz
Hello, and welcome to another update on my, well, um, life.

I went bowling with Jessie yesterday. it was an outing to discus (and put to rest) all the things that happened with her and I and Sam. So, I said I was sorry to her because I was such a bitch. It was stupid. I blamed her for not being able to be with same, when all along it was really not what I needed. I was angry with her, when I really should have been angry with myself for breaking my own goals set for myself. She did nothing wrong. I really applaud her for even allowing me the opportunity to explain and appoligise for my stupidity. Besides, as I reflect, I know that Sam is not what I wanted anyways. i didn't even know the boy.

So, it was great. Jessi is on a bowling league, and I've not bowled since I was about 14. So, I was so embarrassed getting a 25 the first game and 33 the next. Grrr. I should have had the bumpers, but noooooooo. Jessi wouldn't allow it. So, the last game I did an 89 and BEAT HER. LOL. I'm a fast learner. She swore that I was just lying about not bowling since 16. But, honestly, I hadn't. After that, we went to a Chinese place and ate. She's so friggen funny. Had me making a fool of myself in public by bursting out laughing every 10 seconds. Get this, I know how to use chopsticks and speak very little mad (Chinese). And Jessi was speaking SPANISH to the waitress and then she tied her spoon to her chopsticks and said she's proficient in the art. LOL. Sorry, you had to be there. it was great.

So, spen time with my friends. I need to do it more. After loosing my close friend, Santy, I have to have my friend closer. I called Val down in Kentucky and I'm going to go pick her up for Pride. I made arrangements with Brandine to go see OUR band sweet dilemma. I'm becoming more extroverted. I mean, I'm reminded of a song. (fades to black) (spotlight)

What good is sitting all alone in your room. Come hear the music play. Life is a cabaret ol' chum. So come to the cabaret. Come taste the wine, come hear the band. Come blow your horn start celebrating, right this way your tables waiting. I used to know the boyfriend known as Santy. For whom I shared four sordid rooms in Indy. He wasn't what you called a blushing flower. As a matter of fact he rented by the hour. The day he died the neighbors came to snicker. Well that what comes of too much work and liquor. But when I saw him laid out like a king. He was the happiest co I'd ever seen. I think of Santy to this very day. I remember how he'd turn to me and say. "What good is sitting all alone in your room. Come here the music play. Life is a cabaret mi amigo. So come to the cabaret" And as for me. HA And as for me. I made my mind up with the passing of Santy. WHEN I GO. I'M GOING LIKE SANTY! Start by admitting from cradle to doom, isn't that long a stay. Life is a cabaret Tommy. It's only a cabaret Tommy. And I love, a cabaret!!!!!!!

(takes bow)

Ok, I'm a little weird today. But, what I was trying to convey in my very weird way, is that since lives are being taken everyday and I myself don't know when mine can just be, well, gone, I wish to start living and enjoying more life. I mean, spending life with good friends and good times and not worrying so much about things. i mean, for frig sake, i walked out of my job the other night. Yeah, I did. I think this new philosophy in my life may cause a lot of negative backlash, but I'm not going to be a slave to money before I am a friend to my friends. I'm not going to spend life angry bitter di from people. I'm not going to shelter my heart so it will never experience life. I'm going to live damnit. I'm going to live.

Written by thomasdimera

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