Hey my peeps. I'm laying in my bed listening to Jewel. The old Jewel. Who will save your soul to be exact. I'm totally depressed today for some reason. I got out of Psychology class today and went to my job just to be near Cory. It's so pathetic. And I was just all cryey and sad all day. I just feel something is wrong and I feel like I want to die, but I don't think I'll ever do it. Seriously, I don't know the reason or what triggered this bout of depression. Okay, crying again. Geezus. i wish I had someone I can talk to right now. I have like no real friends that I can talk to about stuff except for Cory and Bridgette. But Cory is probabley with his little girlfriend right now and Bridgett's just not going to respond to me like I need. She's too young to understand things. She's a sweet girl and all, but there's so much she doesn't knoe about me period. Pkay, I'll try to watch David Letterman and laugh. If not, I'll just take like six sleeping pills and go to bed.
It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure of business, taking care of an elderly paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity popped up for me to go and I did. Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself. I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings . I looked out onto the greatness of this land and the beauty it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...