I don’t think you trust मी
Current mood: eccentric ।
Category: Blogging
Sometimes, I’m just to hyper not to write something down. Well, this is the point I’m at now. I don’t know what to write about. I will jot down a few things that have really been bugging the hell out of me this last week,.
Well, at the forefront of it all, my older brother, Will, lost his longtime girlfriend. He’s not taking it too well, and i don’t know how to react. My brother and I have a very weird relationship. I try hard to be there for him, but he’s not a person I really look up to. When we were younger, I admired him so much. But in later years, he got mixed in the world of drugs. I’ve never really publicly told anyone this, and it’s been an embarrassment to the family. Will could be so great, I swear. He’s smart, but of course being related to me, why wouldn’t he be. He’s very savy and he’s very humorous. Not a day goes by he doesn’t tell a joke that makes me smile. But, the drugs. The drugs grips him so. I don’t know what to do. I love my family. I love Will. But how do you talk to someone or connect with someone so much different than yourself, especially when you feel as I do; That you are not even talking to the person who you grew up with. That you’re speaking with a stranger on so many levels. It’s very disheartening. I’ve tried to get through to him about the drugs. I mean, I miss my brother so much. I miss being able to play chess with him and taking him out in public without the looks I get and he gets. I miss being able to trust him. He has stolen things from me. He has stolen from everyone around him to get that crap.
So, his girlfriend, the one who supported him and his habit for years now. Who loved him unconditionally, who stood by and signed over her check to him so he could do whatever. When she died, I didn’t know how to comfort my brother. I mean, geez, the point of the matter is, I don’t know if he is grieving for her or the ease of being on his drugs when she was around. My mother has come to me with some things that I really consider. She points out the classes I’m currently taking at church and wants me to understand that it’s not my job to judge his actions or even try to discover what his grief is about. It’s my job to show him love and compassion for whatever loss he is feelings and to be there for him. See, that’s why I can’t be mad at my mother, because she keeps me grounded. I realize that I shouldn’t be judging my brother. I didn’t even realize I was making a judgement myself. It’s important for me though to remember that. I don’t want him on that crap, true. I don’t want anyone on any crap that harms themselves. But it’s the choices that he has made in life. Does that change that he’s my brother, no. His actions, though they hurt, are what he must reconcile with. But to treat him as a less than will only go to my own behavior. How I treat him is the only thing my Lord will ask me when it comes to laying my soul at his feet. I feel it’s important for all of us not to look upon another person and determine how you are to treat them. It’s important to determine how you are going to treat everyone, regardless of when you look upon them. If you just love and care and focus on compassion for EVERYONE, there is no need to make a judgement on the life path they have taken. You just be sure of your own.
Ok, type type type. That’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about the world a lot. Yeah, the world. Like, people not only in America. Like, the state of people everywhere. I am so cut off from them, and I don’t want to be. I obsessively started checking out books and documentaries into life of people who are down. I mean, the people who really are in need of the basic things in life. Food, water, shelter, love. The human touch. I recall it either being a sermon or a lesson in class about the power of the human touch and how it’s needed so much. I feel, that’s the key to a lot of things missing in my life. The ability to reach out and touch so many people. It’s just................... I tried to put it into words, but I just can’t. I’ve pondered this for 10 minutes, but I’ve yet to come up with words that would explain to you how I feel on this subject. Worry not, you all know how I am. I will continue to try and do more research to articulate how I feel on this.
Sometimes like today, I take a hard look at the world and people. It’s a beautiful place and a beautiful time to live in. I am humbled by the decision to put me on earth at this time where I can do so much. The world today, yes, is filled with so many problems. Love is lost. Blood is shed. Life isn’t being lived. But that just the thing,. I feel that at this moment in time, the world is more open to people. That in this time and in this place, so many have the ability to change the world for the better. And the world is ready to be changed. I know this may seem wrong to some, but I feel as if I hold one of many keys to change at least one persons life. In the sermon yesterday, Pastor Jeff spoke of people who were so down that they thought that any contribution to be made to better things would not be enough, so they choose not to do it. That was me. I still have some of that in me. But I just feel it’s the time to change not only myself, but the world. The contributions of the small will make up the grand. When David faced his opponent, he could have easily said "He’s too grand. He’s too big for little me to slay. " But as easily as those thoughts creeped into his mind, was how easily he could face his demon and battle it to it’s extinction.
So, you reading this. You are a small dot in a major world, but, you are part of the world and you really need to see that in yourself. You, me, anyone can make the difference to so many people. People here now, and people in the future. Get over being small. Be bigger than life and love it. Be willing to say that you accept your "powers" and you will use them. It may take longer for some than others. Hell, took me 20 years. But it’s there in us all. We’ve just got to get over what others have told us to limit ourselves. Damnit, it’s time. Strike when the iron is hot.
Well, I love you all and I hope my words can reach at least on person.
Currently listening : Toxicity By System of a Down Release date: 04 September, 2001
Current mood: eccentric ।
Category: Blogging
Sometimes, I’m just to hyper not to write something down. Well, this is the point I’m at now. I don’t know what to write about. I will jot down a few things that have really been bugging the hell out of me this last week,.
Well, at the forefront of it all, my older brother, Will, lost his longtime girlfriend. He’s not taking it too well, and i don’t know how to react. My brother and I have a very weird relationship. I try hard to be there for him, but he’s not a person I really look up to. When we were younger, I admired him so much. But in later years, he got mixed in the world of drugs. I’ve never really publicly told anyone this, and it’s been an embarrassment to the family. Will could be so great, I swear. He’s smart, but of course being related to me, why wouldn’t he be. He’s very savy and he’s very humorous. Not a day goes by he doesn’t tell a joke that makes me smile. But, the drugs. The drugs grips him so. I don’t know what to do. I love my family. I love Will. But how do you talk to someone or connect with someone so much different than yourself, especially when you feel as I do; That you are not even talking to the person who you grew up with. That you’re speaking with a stranger on so many levels. It’s very disheartening. I’ve tried to get through to him about the drugs. I mean, I miss my brother so much. I miss being able to play chess with him and taking him out in public without the looks I get and he gets. I miss being able to trust him. He has stolen things from me. He has stolen from everyone around him to get that crap.
So, his girlfriend, the one who supported him and his habit for years now. Who loved him unconditionally, who stood by and signed over her check to him so he could do whatever. When she died, I didn’t know how to comfort my brother. I mean, geez, the point of the matter is, I don’t know if he is grieving for her or the ease of being on his drugs when she was around. My mother has come to me with some things that I really consider. She points out the classes I’m currently taking at church and wants me to understand that it’s not my job to judge his actions or even try to discover what his grief is about. It’s my job to show him love and compassion for whatever loss he is feelings and to be there for him. See, that’s why I can’t be mad at my mother, because she keeps me grounded. I realize that I shouldn’t be judging my brother. I didn’t even realize I was making a judgement myself. It’s important for me though to remember that. I don’t want him on that crap, true. I don’t want anyone on any crap that harms themselves. But it’s the choices that he has made in life. Does that change that he’s my brother, no. His actions, though they hurt, are what he must reconcile with. But to treat him as a less than will only go to my own behavior. How I treat him is the only thing my Lord will ask me when it comes to laying my soul at his feet. I feel it’s important for all of us not to look upon another person and determine how you are to treat them. It’s important to determine how you are going to treat everyone, regardless of when you look upon them. If you just love and care and focus on compassion for EVERYONE, there is no need to make a judgement on the life path they have taken. You just be sure of your own.
Ok, type type type. That’s been on my mind. I’ve been thinking about the world a lot. Yeah, the world. Like, people not only in America. Like, the state of people everywhere. I am so cut off from them, and I don’t want to be. I obsessively started checking out books and documentaries into life of people who are down. I mean, the people who really are in need of the basic things in life. Food, water, shelter, love. The human touch. I recall it either being a sermon or a lesson in class about the power of the human touch and how it’s needed so much. I feel, that’s the key to a lot of things missing in my life. The ability to reach out and touch so many people. It’s just................... I tried to put it into words, but I just can’t. I’ve pondered this for 10 minutes, but I’ve yet to come up with words that would explain to you how I feel on this subject. Worry not, you all know how I am. I will continue to try and do more research to articulate how I feel on this.
Sometimes like today, I take a hard look at the world and people. It’s a beautiful place and a beautiful time to live in. I am humbled by the decision to put me on earth at this time where I can do so much. The world today, yes, is filled with so many problems. Love is lost. Blood is shed. Life isn’t being lived. But that just the thing,. I feel that at this moment in time, the world is more open to people. That in this time and in this place, so many have the ability to change the world for the better. And the world is ready to be changed. I know this may seem wrong to some, but I feel as if I hold one of many keys to change at least one persons life. In the sermon yesterday, Pastor Jeff spoke of people who were so down that they thought that any contribution to be made to better things would not be enough, so they choose not to do it. That was me. I still have some of that in me. But I just feel it’s the time to change not only myself, but the world. The contributions of the small will make up the grand. When David faced his opponent, he could have easily said "He’s too grand. He’s too big for little me to slay. " But as easily as those thoughts creeped into his mind, was how easily he could face his demon and battle it to it’s extinction.
So, you reading this. You are a small dot in a major world, but, you are part of the world and you really need to see that in yourself. You, me, anyone can make the difference to so many people. People here now, and people in the future. Get over being small. Be bigger than life and love it. Be willing to say that you accept your "powers" and you will use them. It may take longer for some than others. Hell, took me 20 years. But it’s there in us all. We’ve just got to get over what others have told us to limit ourselves. Damnit, it’s time. Strike when the iron is hot.
Well, I love you all and I hope my words can reach at least on person.
Currently listening : Toxicity By System of a Down Release date: 04 September, 2001