Deep Down Drown.
Current mood: nervous
Category: Life
Well look at this. So many people are angry with me right now for various reasons. Mainly surrounds the fact that I've not really been availible to a lot of them. And for this I must appoligies.
I've been going thru those never ending changes again. But yet, as always, I revert back to my same habits. Like, my ex. For about a week now I've been staying up every night with him. Yeah, bad Tommy. I can't move on for some reason. He's so pathetic and he always suckers me in. He's trying to change. He wants to change. And I want to help him. Because for so long it was him and I against the world. And to tell you the truth, he's been the only person to be there for me thru it all.
He's trying to stop drinking and it's so hard seeing him going thru it. I've been so exhausted from stupid stuff at me job and then coming home to an urgent voicemail from him every single night saying he needs my help again. But I can't abandon him. I know that feeling of abandonment and it's wrong. I will be there for him no matter what you people say. Sorry if I seem combative. I love all of you guys. That's why you are all my friends, of course. I'm just drained beyond belief.
I'm supposed to go be with my ex tonight but I've delayed. I'm looking for any excuse, butI know it's my duty to go.
Well, in other news. Well, it's big news and if you know me you know why I didn't post it first in my blog. You know the order. God ---Family ---- Friends ---then self.
I don't want sympathy crap, and I don't want to have one person to say " I'm sorry" or that crap. There are guys in Iraq facing death and limbs getting blown off, girls and guys being molested daily. Families are being torn apart so any problems with myself are not even comparable. I had to go to the doctor three days ago. Nothing is confirmed and there could be nothing wrong at all so there's no worries or anything. But "something adnormal" showed up on a test that the doctor gave me. Of course, going thru this stuff with my mother, I know there are always misfires and it takes a while for them to get more test and more results and blah blah blah. I'm not sharing any details because I don't know yet. I'm not worried about it and nor should anyone else. I swear if the test that I retook and the ones I have to take Wednesday turns up something bad, I will want everyone to say prayers and hug me a lot and all that goody stuff. But right now, there's none of that.
I do feel totally different than just a month ago physically. But all around, every being gose thru chemical changes, physical changs and all that and if certain levels of whatever is higher than usuall then it could cause my doc to go crazy over something normal .
My words are so jumbles. Sorry. I'm tired. I kinda don't want to conclude this blog because I know I have to go. I don't know. I'll pray that the lord ( and this phrase isn't used a lot) give me strength.
I love you all. Special thanks to Brandi, Mike, and Dan H. for understanding certain things.
Current mood: nervous
Category: Life
Well look at this. So many people are angry with me right now for various reasons. Mainly surrounds the fact that I've not really been availible to a lot of them. And for this I must appoligies.
I've been going thru those never ending changes again. But yet, as always, I revert back to my same habits. Like, my ex. For about a week now I've been staying up every night with him. Yeah, bad Tommy. I can't move on for some reason. He's so pathetic and he always suckers me in. He's trying to change. He wants to change. And I want to help him. Because for so long it was him and I against the world. And to tell you the truth, he's been the only person to be there for me thru it all.
He's trying to stop drinking and it's so hard seeing him going thru it. I've been so exhausted from stupid stuff at me job and then coming home to an urgent voicemail from him every single night saying he needs my help again. But I can't abandon him. I know that feeling of abandonment and it's wrong. I will be there for him no matter what you people say. Sorry if I seem combative. I love all of you guys. That's why you are all my friends, of course. I'm just drained beyond belief.
I'm supposed to go be with my ex tonight but I've delayed. I'm looking for any excuse, butI know it's my duty to go.
Well, in other news. Well, it's big news and if you know me you know why I didn't post it first in my blog. You know the order. God ---Family ---- Friends ---then self.
I don't want sympathy crap, and I don't want to have one person to say " I'm sorry" or that crap. There are guys in Iraq facing death and limbs getting blown off, girls and guys being molested daily. Families are being torn apart so any problems with myself are not even comparable. I had to go to the doctor three days ago. Nothing is confirmed and there could be nothing wrong at all so there's no worries or anything. But "something adnormal" showed up on a test that the doctor gave me. Of course, going thru this stuff with my mother, I know there are always misfires and it takes a while for them to get more test and more results and blah blah blah. I'm not sharing any details because I don't know yet. I'm not worried about it and nor should anyone else. I swear if the test that I retook and the ones I have to take Wednesday turns up something bad, I will want everyone to say prayers and hug me a lot and all that goody stuff. But right now, there's none of that.
I do feel totally different than just a month ago physically. But all around, every being gose thru chemical changes, physical changs and all that and if certain levels of whatever is higher than usuall then it could cause my doc to go crazy over something normal .
My words are so jumbles. Sorry. I'm tired. I kinda don't want to conclude this blog because I know I have to go. I don't know. I'll pray that the lord ( and this phrase isn't used a lot) give me strength.
I love you all. Special thanks to Brandi, Mike, and Dan H. for understanding certain things.