It hit me harder than I thought it would. My sister woke me up after spending the night at my house. She says to me " Grandma went to sleep" I knew at that moment what had happened. I posted a blog in March when "the end" was thought to be sooner rather than almost four months later. I shall repost it here after stating what I need to state. The hardest part was how to tell my mother, who held her mother in such high regards. hell, anyone who knew my Grandma Gene respected, loved, and cherished her. She made bad people good. That takes something. She made good people feel even better. There are no words that can describe this incredible woman. This woman who has saved my life here on earth, and my soul. She watered and nurtured my soul. She basked it in God sunlight and always had faith that I would grow to be exactly what God needed me to be.
She's up there now; Blessing all the angels and singing in that beautiful tune that she sang here on earth. The sun shined so bright this morning here in Indianapolis. I would like to think it was Grandma Gene that said " Jehovah Abba God, that there is my grandson. Shine in the light on him just a little bit more today so he knows I'm now up here helping nurture and feed his soul still. "
Forever in my heart Grandma, forever in my soul. Forever you will be with me as I take the walk to you in your new home.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Respost March Blog )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Passing Current mood: chill Category: Life
This is a rather bad, but great time in my life. My thoughts are conflicted, yet I feel the need to just try to type out something.
Grandma Gene : My last living Grandmother is expected to pass very soon. She's now in Hospice. I receive this news Yesterday. My grandma Gene is the family member I am closest to. She's the reason why I started my journey in my church. I've always been sure to tell of her in my annual blogs and as often as anyone wants to hear about how beautiful, how graceful, and how faithful this woman is. She's the embodiment of what it is to be a Christian. She is soooo Christ like in all that she does. The love she pours out is so overwhelming. I often tell my groups at Church about her. She often reminds me how to be a "good Christian" in her words, and by the example she sets.
The major conflict in my life now is how does one grieve in a Christian manner. I'm not overcome with sadness, because I know if anyone should ascend into the heavens, it should be her. And I know that she lived a full life and she knows that she will soon meet all of those gone before her and the creator himself. I was filled a little with selfishness when I heard the news. I turned to God and said "You don't have enough?" I answered my own question. This hell that is called earth is not, and never will be worthy of My Grandma. There's no reason for me to be angry for her going to that better place. I have to focus on getting there myself. Her life wasn't perfect. She had many hardships and in her youth she made many of mistakes. But she found what I found. She found the love and the abundance of Christ love. She also lead me to it and you can not thank a person enough for doing that. But I thanked her. I wrote her letters exclaiming how she did this. I'm quite sure that I said all I needed to say to her in that regard. I made a vow when my Grandma Magnolia passed, that I would not neglect letting those important to me know about how they impacted my life. I did that with Grandma Gene. So, filled with sadness, no, filled with regret, now. I do cry a bit. But it's not tears of pain. Will I miss her, Lord yes. But she's here now, and when she pass, she will be here still. It may be harder for me to feel her, to hear her give me that comforting word and that strong faith that God plan is never to harm, but to strengthen and to prepare our souls. And to show us the true message of what is important. I take that with me. I never give up this and her constant reminder helped me fill in those rare gaps of faith.
Maybe there is no "correct" "Christian" way to grieve. You are to experience death and resurrection. And when you see an angel die, and know that she's being resurrected in the glory and presence of God Almighty, I can't be to said and selfish. I can say, thanks be to God. I will miss her, but I will keep her with me. I will be there with her one day. And I will make sure the love she showed everyone around her down her not go un noticed and that I will try hard to show that love myself.
Thanks be to God for allowing her to stay as long as she did. Thanks be to God for allowing her to be a part of my life, though I'm not worthy of such a great gift, I appreciated and validated her and I am one with God because of it.
She's up there now; Blessing all the angels and singing in that beautiful tune that she sang here on earth. The sun shined so bright this morning here in Indianapolis. I would like to think it was Grandma Gene that said " Jehovah Abba God, that there is my grandson. Shine in the light on him just a little bit more today so he knows I'm now up here helping nurture and feed his soul still. "
Forever in my heart Grandma, forever in my soul. Forever you will be with me as I take the walk to you in your new home.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Respost March Blog )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Passing Current mood: chill Category: Life
This is a rather bad, but great time in my life. My thoughts are conflicted, yet I feel the need to just try to type out something.
Grandma Gene : My last living Grandmother is expected to pass very soon. She's now in Hospice. I receive this news Yesterday. My grandma Gene is the family member I am closest to. She's the reason why I started my journey in my church. I've always been sure to tell of her in my annual blogs and as often as anyone wants to hear about how beautiful, how graceful, and how faithful this woman is. She's the embodiment of what it is to be a Christian. She is soooo Christ like in all that she does. The love she pours out is so overwhelming. I often tell my groups at Church about her. She often reminds me how to be a "good Christian" in her words, and by the example she sets.
The major conflict in my life now is how does one grieve in a Christian manner. I'm not overcome with sadness, because I know if anyone should ascend into the heavens, it should be her. And I know that she lived a full life and she knows that she will soon meet all of those gone before her and the creator himself. I was filled a little with selfishness when I heard the news. I turned to God and said "You don't have enough?" I answered my own question. This hell that is called earth is not, and never will be worthy of My Grandma. There's no reason for me to be angry for her going to that better place. I have to focus on getting there myself. Her life wasn't perfect. She had many hardships and in her youth she made many of mistakes. But she found what I found. She found the love and the abundance of Christ love. She also lead me to it and you can not thank a person enough for doing that. But I thanked her. I wrote her letters exclaiming how she did this. I'm quite sure that I said all I needed to say to her in that regard. I made a vow when my Grandma Magnolia passed, that I would not neglect letting those important to me know about how they impacted my life. I did that with Grandma Gene. So, filled with sadness, no, filled with regret, now. I do cry a bit. But it's not tears of pain. Will I miss her, Lord yes. But she's here now, and when she pass, she will be here still. It may be harder for me to feel her, to hear her give me that comforting word and that strong faith that God plan is never to harm, but to strengthen and to prepare our souls. And to show us the true message of what is important. I take that with me. I never give up this and her constant reminder helped me fill in those rare gaps of faith.
Maybe there is no "correct" "Christian" way to grieve. You are to experience death and resurrection. And when you see an angel die, and know that she's being resurrected in the glory and presence of God Almighty, I can't be to said and selfish. I can say, thanks be to God. I will miss her, but I will keep her with me. I will be there with her one day. And I will make sure the love she showed everyone around her down her not go un noticed and that I will try hard to show that love myself.
Thanks be to God for allowing her to stay as long as she did. Thanks be to God for allowing her to be a part of my life, though I'm not worthy of such a great gift, I appreciated and validated her and I am one with God because of it.