Tonight I came the closest I've ever came to suicide. First I'll tell you all the stuff that's been going on since last time. Okay, cory. Cory is the boy with whom I fell in love with, and then my ex girlfriend Cheryl and he started dating. So, I was like always thinking of ways to break them up, which I did. It was simple actually. I just got her other ex boyfriend, Jimmy, into the picture which in fact made Cory really jeolous. So, after only going out for two days, they split and everything was going well. I would go over Cory's house and we were getting along so well. We shared so much more about each other and it's like we were really connecting. So it progressed and progressed and then Wednesday, he goes " I love you" totally out of the blue. So,, being that this was never expect, I laughed it off. But then I didn't hear any laughter back *we were on the phone(. I just hung up after that. So, yesterday Thursday I go over his house and we never bring it up and we hugged and stuff, but then tonight, all of a sudden there is a new chick name Ashley and he totally disses me in front of not only her, but my friends to. So, I dunno, after that I went to the top floor of a parking lot on campus and sat on the ledge looking at my beautiful city and crying and thinking I'm going to take my life. I called my mom and told her I love her and hung up. then I called Andrew but he never picked up the phone. I wanted him tofinally hear my voice. Then I called Joshua and told him I loved him. Then I turned of my phone and sat there. Just thinking and crying. Now, this next part is like something out of a dairy tale, so I don't give a shit if you believe me or not, but it happened. This girls came up from behind me and asking am I okay. Brown hairl, shorter medium builts with classes and a cute small nose and I said nothing and told her to just leave me be. But she wouldn't go away. Then, like this total stranger started talking to me and openoing up to me and I to her. She literali talked me from the ledge. But, like I said, it sounds like a fairy tale, but I didn't get her name. I don't know who this girl was that saved my life. I never seen her on campus or anything. So, right now I'm still crying and sitting here. I'm trying not to think bad thoughts but I'm so tired. U gave no control or power. I'm just non exsistant.
Ok, crying again. Depression is so stupid it sucks. Yeah, today, though, for a change, it's not about Aaron. But now I'm crying because I mentioned his name. But, the initial crying is because of Andrew Andrew Andrew H H H. God is very cruel to me, I'm thinking right now. Okay, I'm really crying right now and can;t see the screen. I don't understand why God made me love, I mean geinuenly love someone I could never have and it's just I don't understand why my heart is somewhere it doesn't belong. it's fucking insane. I'm so sic of feeling like I not going to be happy because of stupid little shit that shouldn't even be a fucking factor. God is suppiosed to be love. and love is supposed to besomething not easy to come by, but somehat that is obtainable. Why is it not for me. Why and I so fucking destined to be alone for my life. I want someone to fucking share this journey and I pled and I pray everyday. I follow the rules of ...