Tonight I came the closest I've ever came to suicide. First I'll tell you all the stuff that's been going on since last time. Okay, cory. Cory is the boy with whom I fell in love with, and then my ex girlfriend Cheryl and he started dating. So, I was like always thinking of ways to break them up, which I did. It was simple actually. I just got her other ex boyfriend, Jimmy, into the picture which in fact made Cory really jeolous. So, after only going out for two days, they split and everything was going well. I would go over Cory's house and we were getting along so well. We shared so much more about each other and it's like we were really connecting. So it progressed and progressed and then Wednesday, he goes " I love you" totally out of the blue. So,, being that this was never expect, I laughed it off. But then I didn't hear any laughter back *we were on the phone(. I just hung up after that. So, yesterday Thursday I go over his house and we never bring it up and we hugged and stuff, but then tonight, all of a sudden there is a new chick name Ashley and he totally disses me in front of not only her, but my friends to. So, I dunno, after that I went to the top floor of a parking lot on campus and sat on the ledge looking at my beautiful city and crying and thinking I'm going to take my life. I called my mom and told her I love her and hung up. then I called Andrew but he never picked up the phone. I wanted him tofinally hear my voice. Then I called Joshua and told him I loved him. Then I turned of my phone and sat there. Just thinking and crying. Now, this next part is like something out of a dairy tale, so I don't give a shit if you believe me or not, but it happened. This girls came up from behind me and asking am I okay. Brown hairl, shorter medium builts with classes and a cute small nose and I said nothing and told her to just leave me be. But she wouldn't go away. Then, like this total stranger started talking to me and openoing up to me and I to her. She literali talked me from the ledge. But, like I said, it sounds like a fairy tale, but I didn't get her name. I don't know who this girl was that saved my life. I never seen her on campus or anything. So, right now I'm still crying and sitting here. I'm trying not to think bad thoughts but I'm so tired. U gave no control or power. I'm just non exsistant.
It was an impulse thing. For weeks before my grand gesture of driving to North Carolina I was having pretty much a mental break down. A very grim dentist appointment, loneliness , attachment to things that could never be mine, weight gain, the pressure of business, taking care of an elderly paRant. At one point I just stood in the middle of a room not know where to go literally and figuratively . All of a sudden an opportunity popped up for me to go and I did. Anyone who knows me know I'm not an impulsive person but I just had to do this. To clear my head, to refocus myself. I can get into the details on the trip at a later time. I want with this entry to focus on a single aspect. The thoughts that came to me while driving through the great mountains of this United States and the feelings . I looked out onto the greatness of this land and the beauty it possess and I thought of some things. Deep things. ...